We open in a dark room. It's Andrea's bedroom. She's sleeping -- topless, of course. She hears something. An intruder! Hey! I remember when this happened in the pilot, don't you? Anyway, Andrea goes through the whole thing again, grabbing her gun out of her nightstand, and wrapping her blanket around her naked body to walk sexily into her living room and order her intruder to put his hands up. It's McPointy, of course, drunk, of course, making some snide comment, of course. Yep, only Episode Nine, and already we're rehashing exact scenes. That's not too comforting, is it? And I think it's time to put that restraining order on McPointy. Also, I could tell from first glance that it was McPointy lumbering at her window -- why couldn't Andrea? She's the one who's had sex with him. She should be able to identify him much more quickly than I can. McPointy's always wearing that same blue shirt, anyway. Also, I can see his reflection in the window. Okay, whatever, I guess Andrea's not too bright. McPointy says he thought she kept her gun in the refrigerator, so at least they realize they're repeating a scene. "I keep a gun in the refrigerator," Andrea says, her blanket somehow fitting her like a prom dress. She asks him why he broke into her house. "You took my key back, remember?" he asks her. Andrea asks why he didn't ring the doorbell. "I didn't want to wake you up," he whispers as an answer. Andrea's not too happy about the broken glass all over her house, nor is she too pleased that McPointy's currently dripping blood all over her apartment. Call the cops on this loser, Andrea. Tell him to call Tyrone and help him come get his shit. I love it when actors playing drunk pretend they can't tell they're bleeding. That's my favorite. They always look at the blood with such fascination, like blood is the most amazing invention their fake-drunk minds can ponder. Y'all, the writing in this episode is so amazingly bad that it makes me want to write letters to get this show cancelled. Are you ready? Andrea: "David, what is going on?" McPointy: "David?" Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. "David's dead," he says. NO! YOU TAKE THAT SHITTY LINE BACK THIS INSTANT.
Instead, opening credits. Nobody listens to me.
Who knows where the POV is in this episode. Shot of pretty Asian girl in bed, makeup pristine. Pan back to see that pretty Asian girl has a Boomtown trail of blood coming out of the back of her head. Cue the incredibly offensive Asian Flute of the Orient in the background, like we're watching some Amy Tan/Oliver Stone movie. They might as well just have gongs smashing in the background every time they show an Asian person. Ray's looking at the prettily-posed dead girl. He shakes his head incredulously, amazed that a chick so hot can die so awesomely, her panties pristine and her hair perfect as the blood doesn't even slightly mess up her killer bod.









Comments