The David McNorris Show

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!

When will the madness end? When? Finishing the breakdown, we're now in McNorris's bedroom. Marion just wakes up for no reason and sees her husband sitting on the floor, still soaking wet, bleeding, drunk, feeling more sorry for himself than all of our pity soldered together. He holds his hand up and points three times. "Listen," he whispers. You know what he loves to do? Reuse lines on all of his women. "Los Angeles. Dry for nine months. And then pours." He finds this to be very funny. That must be the DP talking, because they had planned more exterior shots or something, but then it rained for one week at the beginning of November, and that must have fucked this episode up. Marion -- who wears lots of clothes to bed -- gets up and notices that David's bleeding. She asks what happened. Oh, it's so melodramatic, the answer: "Your husband, the Fixer, helped Berman's kid avoid persecution. By happy chance, he was innocent, but that doesn't matter because I did it. I did it to further my career." At this point, he actually guffaws. "Not that I have one anymore after I beat the crap out of Berman in his entry hall." Marion -- who can't stand not trying to help a loser -- walks over to his wet, pathetic, drunk, gross ass and says, "Oh, David." She takes his head in her hands. He asks her twice to come over. She kneels down in front of him as he says, "I slept with that reporter." Something crazy happens to Marion's face, and half of it has slid down, all Kirk Douglas-style. "Andrea Little," McNorris says, as if Marion doesn't already know. "For about six months." Marion nods. "I asked you," she says. "You asked me if we were, present tense. And we weren't. Anymore." Marion stands up and leaves. McNorris smiles, and raises a toast to himself. Jackass. "I'm a lawyer, remember?" he says to nobody.

This is the episode that never ends. Marion packs a very small bag -- much smaller than the settlement she's going to get soon. "You knew?" McNorris asks her. "Deep down, I always knew," she says. And right there on the surface, too. She realizes how stupid she must have looked, what with all of his late nights at the gym, working. She says he always told her she was insecure, which she was, since she was married to him. Her words, not mine. McNorris brags: "Turns out deceit came second nature to me." He's so proud of himself. Marion seriously has a problem with her face. Why didn't we notice that before? Was half of her mouth always down-turned? That means each of the shows I recap has a tertiary character with nerve-loss on the left side of his or her mouth. Is that a weird coincidence, or what? Marion says the following colossally stupid monologue: "I knew what I was getting into the moment I laid eyes on you at Lyn Parson's wedding." McNorris: "You asked me to dance." Marion: "I wanted to bask in that radiant light. So when you asked me to marry you six weeks later, I jumped at the chance, because being a part of the David McNorris Show was the most exhilarating adventure that I could imagine." Holy moly, y'all. How did someone get away with that? "Bask in that radiant light"? Are they kidding? "But somewhere along the way, things changed and the script got darker and my role because insignificant." Then McNorris charges over to Marion, saying, "Hey, Marion!" and she struggles and shouts, "Don't!" over and over again and he wrestles her until she stops moving so he can cliché, "You could never be insignificant." SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU. Marion laughs and says, "But you see, David, there's no room for supporting roles in a one-man show." Extreme close-up on McNorris's soaking wet face, all puffy and sobbing. Wow. There are no words for how bad this is.

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