The David McNorris Show

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!

Hey, hey, it's the middle of a high-priority murder case involving a Hollywood hot shot and a Vietnamese girl! Who wants to play softball!?! Everybody!! Well, come on down! Nobody's busy working, anyway! It's the paramedics against the cops, so absolutely everyone's there! I'll bet Andrea's reporting on it, somewhere from deep beneath the bleachers! Teresa's up to bat, and Joel's on first base, watching her, watching her real good. At first I thought it was little league, because Teresa looks about nine in that helmet. But there's Fearless, letting me know that these are grown-ups playing on whatever the fuck day it's supposed to be. Fearless throws the pitch, and Teresa hits it. She runs, and Wahlberg holds her in his arms, wrestling with her, groping her boobs as he catches the ball and tags her out. Willy -- who's inappropriately standing around with no parental supervision, about to recreate a recent World Series moment -- screams that Teresa is out. Wahlberg knows that Teresa is only in, in, in, baby, and tells Willy that he was just flirting...I mean, "kidding" with the pretty lady, by holding her closely. It had nothing to do with softball. Teresa actually tells the kid that Wahlberg was cheating, so I guess honesty is important in that family. Wahlberg finally throws the ball back into the game. Good thing everyone had to stop and wait for the lovefest to end before the game could continue.

Cut to Wahlberg and Teresa just wandering around chatting. Teresa says that her people are trained to help cope with loss, in case he wants to talk about this. Wahlberg just about kisses her, as he says the only reason they lost is because they were better rested. Then he goes a little too far, saying they only work three days a week and just sleep in the back on those beds all day long. Teresa laughs it off because she's not really a fleshed-out character, and asks Wahlberg if there's any news on the Berman kid yet. We watch Fearless and Willy share a male-bonding moment, playing catch off to the side, just within view of Daddy sharing an inappropriate moment with a pretty lady. What day is it? Wahlberg says that Berman's kid must be in South America, but nobody's seen him. Teresa says that if the kid's a murderer, it makes sense that his father flew him off to another country. So, their hands are just tied? This makes no sense to me. Teresa says they learn it at home. "Yeah, they do," Wahlberg says, and once again makes someone else's tragedy all about himself. He tells Teresa that Willy started cursing, and learned it from him. Teresa laughs, and Wahlberg says it's not funny. He says that one day, she'll have kids of her own, and she'll see how hard it is -- that kids pick up everything. If they don't learn it from you, they mimic you. Teresa says she's sure Willy will grow up to be a fine man. "Think so?" Wahlberg asks, as the sad piano cues up. "What do you think he's learning right now?" he asks. "Watching his dad hang out with a beautiful woman, 'snot his mom? What does he learn from that?" Bad writing? Clich├ęd come-ons? That Daddy hates Mommy as much as everyone thought? That Daddy can't have any friends who are girls? Teresa says they're just friends. "I know that," Wahlberg says. "You know that. He just sees what he sees." Teresa says the one good thing Willy's learning is that he's shaping up to be a good first baseman. Nice change of subject, Teresa. She points out Willy and says, "Cause he's a southpaw, like his old man." Teresa just walks away, like people do on bad television dramas, so that Wahlberg can stare into space and Rosebud: "Southpaw." Ohhhhhh. Southpaw. Yes, it's all making sense now.

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