Boot Camp

Episode Report Card
Kim: A | 600 USERS: C+
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Meet The Recruits

Next up is a scene we all saw in the previews, but it's even better here. Recruit Yaney reveals that he is a balloon sculptor. That's a career? Like, full-time and shit? DI McSweeney asks if he brought any balloons and commands him to get some. Recruit Yaney makes a dog out of a balloon, but the tail is way too long. DI McSweeney asks "what kind of friggin' dog" it is. Yaney says it's a poodle. DI McSweeney grabs it and asks, "What happened to it's friggin' tail?" DI McSweeney proceeds to show Yaney what he thinks of the poodle by putting it into his mouth, biting it, and popping it. Then he screams at Yaney to get out of his face. I don't know how DI Taylor, who was standing nearby, kept a straight face.

DI Francisco talks to a young woman with curly hair -- Recruit Brown. He asks her why she's here, and she says that she wanted to see if she could do it. He asks how things are going, and she replies, "Fine, sir!" He asks if her it's just fine, and she replies, "Just great, sir!" He asks her if she's a little nervous, and she replies, "Sometimes, sir." DI Rosenbum sneaks over and yells in her ear (with not a small amount of spittle), "I thought you were having fun." To her credit, she doesn't visibly react, even though I don't think she heard him coming.

Title: Bathroom Break. Head Call. They're going to show this? It's 10:30 AM and I guess that means that "Katherine breaks down," or so it says on the screen. DI Francisco calls upon Recruit Moretty (the chick) to go into "the head" and "download me some information on Recruit Katherine" to see if she's ever coming out. Recruit Moretty takes off.

Meanwhile, Recruit Wolf is being berated by DI Rosenbum, who says that Wolf doesn't know what he got himself into, and he's not ready. Moretty returns from the head to inform DI Francisco that Recruit Katherine doesn't want to come out, or participate any more. Can I point out that they've been there for four hours? I'm not saying it wasn't difficult, but did she think it was a spa? DI Taylor heads into the head, yelling at Recruit Katherine to "get up and get out." I figured a boot camp would have really clean bathrooms, because they make the recruits clean the floors with their toothbrushes all the time. I think I saw that on Laverne & Shirley. But this bathroom is disgusting. It looks like every terrible highway rest stop bathroom you've ever seen. Recruit Katherine is sitting on the disgusting floor, with her head on a urinal trough. Ew! DI Taylor orders Recruit Katherine to "give me your hand." DI Taylor tells Recruit Katherine, "I can't touch you, but you can touch me." Recruit Katherine finally takes her hand and stands up. They walk out, but Recruit Katherine refuses to give her a, "Yes, ma'am." DI Taylor voice-overs (although I think we were meant to think that she said it at the time), "I know sick, and you're not sick. But I'll play your game, because apparently you don't want to play this one." Yeah, I'm not buying the sick excuse either.

Boot Camp

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