Boot Camp
Meet The Recruits

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Meet The Recruits

As each person exits the bus, the other instructors start yelling all at the same time, which I imagine would be very confusing. The first guy off glances around, and then one of the instructors tells him to "get up there, weirdo!" so he takes off running. Recruit Katherine (she of the oversized hoop earrings) is wearing a leather coat and a mini-skirt. To boot camp. Yeah, she's not going to last long. A drill instructor gets right in one guy's face (and I know from the previews that he's the balloon sculptor) and says, "You wanna friggin' laugh? You wanna friggin' laugh?"

A DI informs a young woman with brown hair that from now on, she is "Recruit Coddington." Nearby, two DIs are getting right up in one guy's face, asking him if he wants to laugh. The guy is, well, kind of laughing. We're introduced to another woman with brown hair -- Recruit Hutak. Everyone is now off the bus and standing at attention.

Title: The Game Begins. Processing. I hope they won't be using meat grinders. The recruits enter a small building to learn how to address their DIs. DI Rosenbum addresses a woman, Recruit Whitlow, who has brown hair (and couldn't they cast a redhead or two?). DI Rosenbum wants to know what she does for a living. She works at "Campbell's Soup." He asks her the "theme" of her company, and she replies, "Mmm mmm, good, sir!" He asks her calmly to say it louder, and she does. Then he screams right in her face, "LOOOUUUDDDEEERRR!" I like DI Rosenbum.

And speaking of louder, it's time to meet Recruit Lauder, a middle-aged guy. DI Rosenbum finds out that Recruit Lauder is fifty, and I half-expect Lauder to pull a Molly Shannon and yell out, "Iiii'm fifty! Fifty years old!" Heh. DI Rosenbum asks how it is that Lauder hasn't challenged himself yet, at fifty years of age.

The guy who was laughing at the DIs before is still laughing. Take him down, Rosenbum. Laughing Boy is Recruit Meyer. He's trying to stifle a laugh while DI Rosenbum tells him "there's always one." Yeah, I hate Meyer already. Here's why. I know that the premise of this show is ridiculous. It's not really boot camp. But if you sign up for the show, in my mind, you agree to act as if the premise is real. I know it's just a game. The recruits and the drill instructors know it's all a game. But don't act like you're too cool for school. You got on the show -- so participate. If you don't want to, you should have stayed home. Freaking Meyer.

The recruits are led into another room, carrying their suitcases. The first recruit starts taking things out of his open suitcase, but DI McSweeney yells at him to "dump iiitttt!" and upends the suitcase. DI McSweeney holds up a framed picture, and says, "Say goodbye to these. As a matter of fact, kiss your wife right now. Kiss her." The recruit kisses the photo. His name is Recruit Moretti. DI McSweeney yells out, "Bye! Bye, hon!" and then turns the picture towards himself screaming, "Hi! Hi, I'm his new pal!" DI McSweeney is a fucking riot. I probably wouldn't think that as a recruit, but as a viewer, he cracks me up. In an interview, DI McSweeney says that you want to "strip everything" from a recruit, including their "mental attitude" that boot camp will be fun.

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Boot Camp

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