Commercials. The Roman aqueduct has endured for centuries based on an ingenious structure: the arch. And terrible ad campaigns have endured for centuries based on a different ingenious structure: terrible ad writers.
An ambulance wails in the night. The ER rip-off music goes on as, like, three small nurses somehow do the "Move on my count, one, two, three, go," thing with the 297-pound Christine. A nurse then does the customary job of telling all the concerned friends and family to go away, while not giving them any useful information. Kevin and Mr. Banks look around, helpless and upset. Kevin's thinking, "This damn hospital. First they botch my lobotomy, and now this."
The dungeon. Harry is asking Po'-lita, a bit incredulously if I may say, why she strips. "I make over sixty thousand dollars," she says. Harry does a double-take, and Po'-lita says, "I work nights and weekends. Half of it is in tips, I don't even declare that." A-ha! So she does work nights, which renders the whole stripping-during-study-hall thing ill-explained and nonsensical! A-ha! GOT YOU AGAIN, YOU STUPID SHOW! Sorry to yell, but I just calculated yesterday how many hours since September I've spent recapping this show. It's less than a hundred, but not much less. Anyway, I'm left with a few questions. Such as: Wait, so does she spend all of that money on clothes? Why does she still live in a dingy studio apartment? And isn't it a felony not to declare tips? Meanwhile, Harry is saying, "Well, that's a felony, which is a different discussion. But: come on." Po'-lita now gives the big sob speech for the episode: "Mr. Senate, you know what the biggest form of discrimination is that goes on in this school? It's not race or religion. It's money. Kids who come from money, they're more popular, they're more…" Well, yes, she's maybe right, but that's because perceived racial and religious divides frequently boil down, at their core, to socio-economic ones. Harry says, "Look, I'm not the morality police, we all know that. But something tells me, however ashamed you are of where you come from, you're too smart not to know that you're gonna be way more ashamed of this. My bet is you already are." Dana's worried that a lot of people know, and Harry says not a lot do, but asks her if she's more worried about kids knowing she strips, or that she comes from a poor family. Again, I'd just like to point out that, while money does ruin everything and is the root of all evil, I never once in high school heard anyone say, "Don't hang out with that kid. He's poor." No one's ever like, "Hey, how do you get a one-armed poor person out of a tree? Wave!" No, the people we really hated were the janitors.
In the hospital, Christine wakes up to see the friendly faces of Kevin, Marilyn, and her father. Kevin tells her that she won. She says a nurse told her, and she couldn't believe it. Oh, so the nurse doesn't have time to discuss Christine's condition with her dad, but she has time to chat about the wrestling match with her? Great hospital; check me in. Marilyn says hi, and Christine asks if she read the new essay, and Marilyn says she hasn't yet, blaming Christine for having a heart attack and preventing her from getting to it. I mean, she doesn't use those words, but that's essentially what she says. Then everybody tells everybody else to get some rest. Then I tell the writers of this show to get some rest so that next time they give a character a heart attack, they do it for a reason and make it dramatically interesting, instead of arbitrary and pointless. ("David? I'm wearing only bubbles!" "Um…okay…okay…'Then Christine has a heart attack and collapses. The end.' Heh heh. I'm a genius.") Christine's dad goes to get some rest, as directed, but before he gets far, Christine flatlines, the ER drums start, and a bunch of people appear and yell things to each other in jargon, and I gather only that the problem is "aortic" in nature. The friends and family watch nervously through glass, as a doctor grabs a scalpel.