Lauren's classroom. Lauren is doing some vaguely teaching-related activity, so she doesn't immediately see Not-Chad when he comes to the door, so he knocks on the frame. "I went to the wall for you," he says. "The only reason you got so far in your application is because of me. I didn't need to be hung out like that." Lauren says she's sorry, but she's so not. She's probably thinking, "Serves you right for not marrying me, you smarmy, dull coward." Which is kind of internally contradictory, I know, but who can fathom the ways of the human heart? Not-Chad says, "Well, James Dawson, that man your friend tore into, for whatever reason, has decided to review your application personally." Really? Why? "I don't know. Maybe because everybody just wants to help you, Lauren, even if they end up being humiliated for it. He'll meet with you tomorrow." Not-Chad gets up to leave, and Lauren says she really is sorry, and that she didn't know Harry was going to launch into a diatribe like that. Not-Chad says, "He seems like a madman to me. I can't believe they let him mold the minds of our youth." Lauren asks Not-Chad if he actually listened to a word Harry said: "What's wrong with having a program at your bank that could allow a teacher to own a home? What are you afraid of? That more people will go into teaching? That our classrooms might get less crowded? That our public schools might stand a chance?" Well, Lauren, those are some pretty leading rhetorical questions. What is Not-Chad supposed to say, "Yes, I'm very afraid that our public schools might stand a chance"?
Still, though, that doesn't justify Not-Chad's actual response, which is truly awful: "You know, Lauren, I suddenly remember why I left you. I was always afraid that someday you'd fall off your soapbox and land on me." Which is really amazing, because it manages to be really insulting, and at the same time make no sense as a metaphor at all. What would "falling off the soapbox" entail? Giving up on improving the lot of teachers? And if so, what would "landing on" Not-Chad be analogous to, then? I can't think what he might mean, and yet it was nevertheless a really punk-ass thing to say. Lauren seems to ponder this, alone in her classroom, once Not-Chad vanishes in a cloud of wounded pride.
Meanwhile, in the hallway, home of all sensitive conversations, Kevin is confronting My-Fair-lita with his newly confirmed suspicions. "I don't know what you're talking about," she says. Kevin, or rather, as he is in this scene, Coach Lamprey the Plot Parasite, explains that Milton confided in him. "I'm not looking to get either of you in trouble, I just…look, if I can get Big Boy to see you in total and absolute confidence, would you talk to him?" My-Fair-lita is, to say the least, not amenable to the suggestion, and takes umbrage at Lamprey's implication that she's "in trouble." "And by the way, next time you're looking to cultivate a confidential exchange? Trotting out the 'I can't stay quiet on it' routine? Not the best technique." As Lisa walks away, Marilyn is passing by, and she advises Lamprey to stay away from "that girl." At which point Lamprey transforms back into Kevin and says, "If you're open to it, how about dinner tonight?" Marilyn's all, "Open to what?" Kevin says, "You and me. Dating. Marilyn?" "You and me?" Blah blah blah but-I-thought-but-you-thought-but-huh-what-oops-cakes. Marla appears, of course, right now, and Kevin flees. Marla says, "He is shy. Itty-bitty little thing, too. Mmmm." Oh dear, there goes my Superbowl appetite.