Props to the pilgrims. Mmmmm. Stuffing.
Okay, kids. Here's the deal. I'm leaving for Thanksgiving tomorrow morning. I won't be back until next Monday, and if I don't get this recap in before I go, I will be on probation with the PTB. As those of you who still read this stuff but are no longer permitted to post in the forums know, one does not want to be on the dark side of Sars and Wing Chun. Thus, I must complete this recap in record time. I am producing this on the fly. My witty one-liners and crafty phrasing are appearing in real time. No time to correct typos. No time to check spelling and grammar (which I always do otherwise, I promise). For the first time ever, this is reality MBTV. No tricks. No gimmicks. A real person, really recapping, right before your very eyes. It is, right now, 1:10 p.m. E.S.T. on the West Side of Manhattan. Here goes.
Previously on McBealston Public (my girlfriend came up with that, by the way; I formally apologize for appearing to take credit for it in the last recap): Anthony Ward was stuffed in a locker by Malcolm White; Steven taught him a judo maneuver; Anthony Heald asked out Lauren Davis; The Sex Position Fairy asked out Milton Buttle; Coach Kevin was incredulous; Slow-lita had a crush on Harry Senate; Lauren reminded Harvey Lipschultz that his wife is dead; Coach Kevin (in another scene we never saw -- does ALL his material end up on the cutting room floor?) tells Ms. Souter that her song to Anthony Heald at the charity show pissed him off; we see the pointless song again; Lauren and Steve argue about John LaBlonde and his award; Mr. LaBlonde argues; John whines; Mr. LaBlonde tells Steven that John has no pulse.
The hallway. Lauren "Nun?" Davis and Marilyn "Many A" Souter are planning a Thanksgiving bash at Lauren's place when Milton "Not So Subtle" Buttle strides past them with a curt "Hello." What's with him? Anthony "Emotional Wounds That Have Never" Heald turns the corner and flags down Marilyn. "I need your quarterly attendance reports going back to...April of last year actually?" Ms. Souter is all, "Say what?" Anthony Heald explains that he takes attendance seriously, and wants the reports by Wednesday, and books. Lauren theorizes that Kevin, in the eliminated scene they slipped into the "previously" montage, was right: her stupid song at the show upset him, and he's using the attendance reports as a brutal weapon. Scary. A timid little freshman girl approaches and asks if she can talk to Ms. Davis in private.