Big Boy's office. "Ever bite anybody before?" I get what they're doing with Mr. Lick; he's all jaded, there's nothing he hasn't heard, blah blah blah my rap career is stalled-cakes. "No," says John, who probably hasn't ever bitten anybody before, because imaginary Lauren Davis doesn't count. "You were going for the ear, or you just started biting and the ear is what you got?" Distinctions like this are, for some reason, important. As though John's going to say, "My Sensei has taught me: ear is most vulnerable part of stupid man." Of course, John just says, "I don't know." Big Boy continues to dig for the truth, which, of course, we already know. Aren't shows where all the characters are behind you on the learning curve frustrating to watch? "This Harding boy, he was taunting you? Mr. LaBlonde?" But John just says, "It should be mine." Big Boy asks what he's talking about, but John just says it again. And Big Boy, it turns out, actually knows: "The Magnet Club Award? Tell me why it's so important to you." John has no answer for this. He just says, "It should be mine." He has no idea what the award means, or any sense of perspective, because his father is obviously a demanding asshole. Oh well. He'll probably turn out okay, right? Right?
I don't like the nickname "Big Boy." It's not very descriptive or clever. It's almost as if David E. Kelley was trying prevent MBTV from coming up with a really good nickname for the character, so he headed us off at the pass with this innocuous crap. I'll show him.
Lauren's room. Blow-lita storms in and yells at Lauren, "You said you were only going to tell Lick!" They're daring me. I will rise above. "That was before I knew you were fixing an election," says Lauren. Apparently, Steven has called Blow-lita's parents, and is going to tell them what happened. "Susan, you've been suspended. Don't you think your parents would find out why?" Blow-lita's all, "No, I was going to tell them it was over cheating or something!" Heh. See, because in her world, being caught cheating doesn't matter at all. When John LaBlonde got in trouble, he should have told his parents it was for blowing a guy in the stairwell, and everything would have been fine. Anyway, Lauren tells Blow-lita she's going to be transferred. "What? This is my whole world here. You can't just yank me out of it -- what's wrong with you people?" Lauren asks if she's given any thought to what she did. I certainly have. She is cute. Anyway, Blow-lita snarks, "That doesn't mean I should be banished, for god's sakes. Every friend I have...I'm a senior...I've earned the right to graduate with my friends." Lauren tell Blow-lita not to lecture her on what she's earned. Then we get, "You people have no idea what it's really like in here. You don't have a clue." Yeah, high school is really awful for the popular cute blonde senior girls, isn't it. Lauren says, "I got a clue in the stairwell. And if you think you're going to get career advancement, or political gain, or even popularity by getting on your knees, you have no idea what it's really like out there." Which is a pretty good comeback. Blow-lita's all, "Kids practice sex in high school. That's just the way it is." Lauren says she's afraid to ask what she means by "practice." I'm guessing she means that kids have sex in high school. Then Lauren says, "Dignity is not something that you practice. You either have it or you don't." Blow-lita says, "Nun." And storms out. Ouch.