Opening credits. I really think the guy who wrote this just let a cat walk across his keyboard, and mailed the result to Fox.
Students arrive for another crappy day at Winslow High. What will happen before the final bell rings? Way too flippin'-flappin' much, is my guess.
The teacher's lounge. Lauren is telling Ms. Souter about the sex act she watched through a window last night. Which is kind of pathetic, isn't it? They're young women, in the prime of life! Shouldn't they be swapping their own experiences? That's the scene I'd prefer to watch, anyway, but that's just me. Marilyn is all, "Susan Potter and Peter Nelson? But they're running for Senior Class President against each other!" Well, they were on the same side last night, I guess. Lauren says, "Well, they were on the same side last night, Marilyn." Dammit. Anyhow, Lauren thinks the kids should be suspended, but Marilyn reminds her that the election is in two days. Suspended for what, exactly, might I ask? I guess it's not the sort of thing you want happening on school grounds, but they're both minors. Indecent exposure? Technically, perhaps, because it's a public building, but they weren't really in public; it was after the school had closed, and if Lauren hadn't happened by that window no one would be the wiser. And large public high schools have bigger problems. This one sure does. My verdict? This is a non-issue. Forget about it. Then again, there's the whole running-for-president thing that makes all of this a tad suspicious.
"Marvelous" Harvey Lipschultz comes in, demanding to perform in the second act of the show rather than the first. What show? I guess the one the English teacher/conductor is directing. "Last year, you put me in the first act, the audience wasn't even warm yet!" Man, is he ever strange. "I haven't even selected the order yet, Harvey," says Marilyn. Harvey pulls out "last year's review. Women screamed as though I were a Beatle." Marilyn asserts that this is because Harvey is scary when he sings. "I've had the biggest ovations twenty years running. You put me in the second act!" When Harvey's gone, Marilyn turns to Lauren and says, "Somebody has to tell him." Tell him what? It turns out that the faculty suspect that the students cheer so fervently for Harvey's annual performance (which turns out to be a rendition of "If I Were a Rich Man") as a joke. "Does he look like a Beatle to you?" argues Ms. Souter. Lauren disagrees, blah blah blah what-he-doesn't-know-won't-hurt-him-cakes.