The dungeon. Harry Senate is leading a class discussion on the death penalty. I'm not sure whether it's good or bad that the things we see people teaching on this show never have anything in particular to do with the themes of the episode. I know I hate it when they do things like have the class discuss Two Gentlemen of Verona on Dawson's Creek, because it's so contrived. Then again, what Harry Senate's doing right now seems arbitrary. The solution is probably to never write classroom scenes. Anyway, because the content of the discussion is totally unimportant, it gives me an excuse to skip it. Except to point out that during the course of the discussion, one of these supposedly terrible and limited students correctly uses the word "mitigating." Half the people I went to college with can't use that word correctly, and I matriculated at an okay school. Anyway, Harry eventually says, "Hey, you know what, where's Figgis? Anybody seen Figgis? He's been out all week." A student pipes up with the information that Figgis has dropped out. But, see, she's a Deseg, so she speaks in more, as it were, colorful language: "He's DO'd. He spends his days now asking people if they want ketchup with their fries."
Lauren's classroom. Lauren is giving the low-down, so to speak, to Susan "Blow-lita" Potter and Peter "Full" Nelson on their situation. "If you go to Guber, we'll be suspended," whines Susan. Lauren is not deterred. "Shouldn't candidates be engaged in debate?" she says. Peter chimes in, "School politics aside...we're friends." Lauren says that that's certainly how it looked. "I have a boyfriend," says Susan, "and if this gets out..." Peter says, "Not to mention, with both of us suspended on election day, Jerry Schlum will get elected. He's ahead in the polls as it is, and now...do you know Jerry Schlum?" No, but with a last name like that, he's bound to be fat and annoying, right? Also, polls in a high-school campaign? As if. In addition, if this Schlum character is so awful, then why is he ahead in the (snerk) polls? I mean, it's not as if voters could be persuaded to support a really undesirable candidate, with a history of alcoholism and drug addiction, whose dangerous ignorance on all issues and knee-jerk conservatism will wreak havoc on both our prosperous economy and jeopardize important strides made on social issues during the last eight years, right? Right?
Aaaanyhow, Lauren says, "I wouldn't be mud-slinging, Peter. I mean, you hardly looked presidential yourself." Actually, he did. Then Lauren says, "Actually, you did." DAMMIT. Peter smirks at this, and waggles an eyebrow, like, "I'm so the man for getting a hummer in the hallway." Susan gripes about the humiliation factor, and Peter plays the "everybody does it" card. Susan says, "It's not like we were kissing, or doing anything intimate." All right, students do have a more casual attitude these day about sex, but I challenge you to find more than a handful of people who will describe a blowjob as "not intimate," and actually mean it (trying to sound jaded doesn't count, and being a hooker also doesn't count). What I mean is, sure, Lauren Davis could be realistically surprised that so many teenagers do this sort of thing, but we the audience cannot be realistically convinced that they don't consider it "intimate." Once again, David E. Kelley has rapidly pushed a semi-plausible story line beyond the limits of credulity. ("Michelle, honey, I've asked you not to get under the desk while I'm writing...wait...never mind, stay there.") Meanwhile, back in the scene, Lauren is shocked and dismayed at this cavalier attitude towards intimacy, and doesn't know what to do with these crazy kids.