A young woman, perhaps the school secretary, pokes her head into Principal Steven's office and says, "Lipschultz." Steven says, "Gesundheit." No, actually he says, "What now?" Apparently, Lipschultz is trying to send Dana Poole home for not wearing a bra.
Sure enough, Dana "Jailbait" Poole is in the hallway, not wearing a bra. Nope, she's sure not. Is it legal for me to be watching this, or am I committing a federal crime? ["That's why we ask the writers to choose aliases." -- Sars] Anyway, Harvey "Don't You Give Me" Lipschultz is arguing with Principal Weary Martyr that Dana's assets are obscene. Ms. Davis is here, too, for some reason. "Look at those breasts!" cries Harvey. As if he has to tell me to do that. Steven pulls Harvey to one side and tells him he can't do something like this in an open forum. Zuh? Yes, it is always better to quash individual rights behind closed doors, so that no one can hear the screams of the tortured prisoners. Meanwhile, Lauren pulls Dana aside in the other direction, and tells her there's a virtue called modesty. Actually, she says, "There's a virtue to modesty," butchering the English language. Dana counters, "There's also a virtue to individualism." But can you blame her? She learned that nonsense grammatical construction from a high-school teacher, before our very eyes. Lauren wants to know if Dana dresses like this to be popular with the boys, and Dana says no, and then she says, "I mean, I like you as a teacher and stuff but -- are you a nun on weekends?" So, wait, I'm confused. Is this about individualism or boys? ("I better rewrite this scene so it makes some sense." "David, come to bed, I'm wearing my costume from A Midsummer Night's Dream." "Never mind, I'll just send it to Fox like this.") Principal Steven tells Dana to wear a bra, and to tell her parents to take it up with him. I sort of can't imagine Dana's mom arguing this one. When Dana is gone, Lauren makes a few salient points, "What about the flat-chested girls, do they have to wear bras too? Or are you going to do this on a case-by-case basis?" Steven's all, "All I know, right now, is that it's school policy for Dana Poole to wear a bra." She should come to the imaginary school in my head, where it is school policy for her not to wear anything. Meanwhile, there's banging from the inside of a locker. The principal opens it, and that kid from Freaks & Geeks comes out, wearing a diaper and looking disoriented. He looks sort of like Cupid. Anyway, he runs off down the hall.