Boston Public
Chapter One

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Wherein Fyvush Finkel says, "Look at those breasts!"

This-Meeting-Is-Over's office. Steve. Coach Kevin. Throw down. Principal says, "Did you tell Jason Harrelson or his father or his lawyer what went on in a closed teacher's conference?" Coach Kevin fidgets. "Those meetings are sealed for the express purpose of encouraging candor. When you go behind teacher's backs and reveal --" Kevin interrupts, "Steven --" Steven yells, "I'm talking now!" That is now his new name. I'm-Talking-Now says, "Those meeting are based on candor. On trust. You broke that trust." Coach Kevin gives the spiel about how no one cares about his athletes' grades, and that he has to win tonight or he's out, "like the fat boy in dodgeball." Colorful. Steven yells some more, but the secretary from earlier pops in again: "Sorry, Steven. Anthony Ward is in the emergency room."

The pretenses are now gone, and we are actually in an ER. Though, here, the frenetically tracking camera is oddly still. "I want to know who did this!" Anthony's mom is shrieking. Blah blah blah protect-my-son-cakes. Anthony's dad keeps a level head and leads the principal into Anthony's room.

Hey, speaking of level heads, Anthony's is now a new shape, 'cause there's a big gash in his forehead that a doctor is stitching up. I guess he got some Dome Improvement. Ba-dum-bum. "Anthony, the worst has happened. He broke your head." But Anthony still won't talk.

Principal Bad-Ass knows who did it, though, and stalks the hallways back at school until he finds Malcolm White: School Bully. "Hey!" he says, "I just left Anthony Ward in the emergency room. Do you have any idea how he got there?" Best line of the episode: "I guess his parents probably drove him, sir." Steven, though, is not amused. Malcolm says that, not that he's admitting anything, but whatever happened to Anthony happened off school grounds, and is therefore none of the principal's business. When Malcolm tries to leave, Steven slams him against the lockers and yells, "Oh, you want to take a swing, is that it?" Uh, no, he was trying to walk away, but whatever. Anyway, Steven slams Malcolm White against the lockers over and over until Ms. Davis come out of a convenient nearby doorway and stop him. Principal says, "If Anthony Ward gets so much as a hangnail, I will take your head off." And books.

I think that David E. Kelley has the following taped to the wall above his desk: "How to threaten someone in dialogue: 'If you so much as [some extremely minor infraction], I will [some extremely major consequence].'" This is the second time he's used that construction and it sucked both times.

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Boston Public




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