Boston Public
Chapter One

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Wherein Fyvush Finkel says, "Look at those breasts!"

Down in the basement, Dana "Naughty Tail" Poole flags down Mr. Senate, who has for some reason not been dragged away from school grounds in chains. She says, "I need a favor. Jason Harrelson is a friend of mine, and if he doesn't play tonight --" Mr. Senate says there's nothing he can do, and Perky says that of course there is, and we learn that Mr. Senate is the other teacher failing Jason. Then she reveals to the audience what we've all already figured out, "If you don't pass him, our little secret might get out." Harry's all, "Our little secret could hurt you, too." But he knows he's beaten, and doesn't really need her to say, "Not as much as it could hurt you. I'm just an innocent student who didn't know better. You're a teacher." And with that, Ho-lita leaves Mr. Senate alone so that he can regret, a little bit, banging her, but still probably conclude that it was worth it, because you only live once. ["Dude, didn't he see Election?" -- Sars]

Ms. Davis' classroom. Jason Harrelson waits by the board, and when Lauren comes in, he says he wants to speak to her. "Is there any way you can help me to a D?" That would be a negative, as she points out: "I know you know who Lincoln is. But saying he invented the log, or Hamilton invented the blender; you were daring me to fail you." Jason has obviously picked up some reasoning skills from his father, and reveals his true strategy: "I didn't want you to think that I was stupid. I knew I wasn't going to pass the test, so I made it look like I was trying to fail on purpose, like I was defiant or something." This is, in my opinion, a poor choice for someone who does not want to be thought stupid, since he doubtless was also aware that failing would prevent him from playing football anymore. Maybe his real mistake was taking Geology. Blah blah blah Emmy-clip-about-his-father-and-the-whole-school-thinking-he's-dumb-cakes. Lauren offers to tutor Jason after class, but he's got practice. He says, "I don't count until someone gives me the ball. Once they give me the ball, I can --" But Ms. Davis cuts him off, her seventh-most-sexy gaze smoldering: "Well, maybe that's the problem we have. I mean, you think everything's going to be okay so long as they keep giving you the ball. Better you learn that's not the case now." He says, "Please. Let me play." And she just shakes her head. The Oboe of Shattered Dreams tootles us into the commercial.

Trident. Pregnancy test. That Volkswagen commercial that uses that Styx song from 1984. Maybelline. Victoria's Secret. Local radio spot badly spoofing Survivor. Ally. Et cetera. They seem to think mostly women are left watching the show at this point.

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Boston Public




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