Boston Public
Chapter One

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Wherein Fyvush Finkel says, "Look at those breasts!"

Suddenly, a skinny guy who could not look less likely to be a football coach enters the lounge. He is the football coach. "Thanks, Lauren," he snarks. "It's bad enough I have to live in the shadow of the dead guy. Now I have to play without my starting running back?" Lauren points out that it was Jason who failed the test, which is a point everyone seems to be missing,especially Coach Kevin: "You knew he was already failing Geology, you knew the consequences of his failing History." Excuse me, who takes Geology in high school? I sure didn't, and no starting running backs I know did either. Anyway, Milton tries to defend Lauren, but all he gets is a "shouldn't you be trying out for the online equestrian team?" Ouch. Marilyn chimes in ("All right, Kevin.") so we can get some sloppy exposition about her, too: "No 'all right,' Marilyn, what if your lead trumpet got suspended from band the night of the big show?" Displaying a remarkably faulty grasp of the notion of synonyms, which is I guess not surprising for a teacher at this school, she corrects him: "It's an orchestra, and we do concerts." No, wait, it's a musical group and they engage in performances. No, I'm sorry, it's a collection of instrumentalists who ply their craft before an audience comprised of paying members of the viewing public. Anyway, Coach Kevin snarks off.

Unfortunately, we follow him. He encounters the diaper-locker-boy from earlier. "It's none of my business, Anthony. But if somebody puts you in a Huggie, you should stand up for yourself." If someone is capable of putting you into a Huggie, standing up for yourself is usually a moot point, is it not? Principal Steve shows up and dismisses Coach Kevin. Then he tries to get the culprit's name out of poor Anthony. Surprise, surprise: "If I tell, he'll break my head." No luck. Except that Principle Steve-O spots the bully lurking down the hallway, glaring threateningly at Anthony. Bright guy.

Just then, Ms. Hendricks arrives. Remember? The one missing from the dungeon. I guess she didn't kill herself. She does, however, deliver the following monologue: "Oh, don't you 'play hooky' at me, you try teachin' 'em, you walk into the dungeon and try making a dent in those dead-heads, I've had it, you hear me, had it, guy threw a spitball, a big wet wad, weighing two or three pounds, hit me right here, I have had, I've had it, had it, they don't want to learn, they don't want to listen, I'm no parole officer, you got that, I'm a teacher, people don't respect me, I'm a teacher for God's sake, I've had it, HA, had it, I've had it, HAD IT!" The Steve-a-nator says something or other during this, probably about Ms. Hendricks's evident need for immediate medication, but we don't really hear him. She storms off. He looks at his watch wearily. I look at mine. "It's 10:15," he says. As I write this, Steven my man, it's a lot later than that.

Commercial break. Sponsors include Honda, chalupas, the film Lucky Numbers, Capital One credit cards, Big Kmart, chalupas again, and Ally Congeal. David E. Kelley wrote all of these commercials himself.

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Boston Public

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