Boston Public
Chapter Six

Episode Report Card
Key Grip: B | Grade It Now!
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During which Fyvush Finkel intones, "She beats those kids for pleasure!"

The hallway. Lauren passes Susan in the hallway and stops her, as she is now wearing a t-shirt that reads: "Do Me Right." I'm wondering how she doctored the shirt so fast, in a matching font and everything, but no one seems to question that. Harry Senate appears on the scene as Susan protests, "It just means 'respect me.'" In a manner of speaking. Anyway, Subvert-The-Status-Quo-lita goes on to insist that her shirt now has enough ambiguity to pass muster, and skips away. Lauren says, "It's flat-out defiance." Harry says the students live for it, and Lauren's all, "They don't do it to you, Harry." Mr. Senate passes up a great opportunity to say something about his gun again, and instead tells Lauren he heard about Webster spitting in her face: "Are you okay?" Dude, would everyone stop asking each other that? No, she's not okay, someone SPIT ON HER. Lauren walks away, and Harry thinks, "Wow, she's really upset. This is a great opportunity to be sensitive and supportive and get into her pants."

"It's not true, I swear," says some girl, presumably Karen Fitzgerald. She's getting grilled in the Sanctum Stevenorium by Steven and Anthony Heald. So, this is the chick who was hot for the math teacher, eh? That sounds like a relationship which could not have been equal on all sides, so let's call her "Isosce-lita." Ba dum bum. Steven says, "Well, evidently, he told his wife the two of you were in love." Karen is incredulous: "Me and Mr. McMann?" No, you and Mr. Potato-Head. Yes, Tim, did you miss the beginning of this meeting? Anyway, she says he was just her teacher and that's all. Yeah, I bet he taught her a thing or two. Anthony Heald wants to know why Tim would make it up, and Karen says, "I don't know, but it never happened, not once, not ever." So, wait, but it happened at least a few times, right? Anthony Heald probes for anything else, and Karen says, "There's nothing else to tell. Either he made it up or his wife did." Steven lets her go, and instructs his cyborg to "talk to some of the students in her class. Discreetly." Great, now he's going to go break arms, and throw people through windows onto hot grills, and whatnot. Blah blah blah I-don't-know-what-to-believe-cakes. The Exposition Fairy comes in and tells Steven that Webster is here. Or, as he is now legendarily known throughout the wild west, Saliva Webster. He comes in, and Steven tells him to sit down. "Did you spit in Lauren Davis's face?" Webster considers his options, and then says, "Yes." Steven tells him he's suspended, and Webster's all, "Don't I get a say here?" Don't fall for it, Steven! All he has to say is, apparently, "Ptoooey!" Steven says no, and that Webster should clean out his locker, too, because "there's a chance you'll never be back. Go. Now." Oh, how I wish that would trigger the opening credits of My So-Called Life. Webster leaves, and Steven tells Anthony Heald to schedule an expulsion hearing. Talk to the class, order the hearing, talk to the paddling lady, always ordering people around, doesn't he do anything for himself?

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Boston Public

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