Boston Public
Chapter Sixteen

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Key Grip: B+ | Grade It Now!
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In which Fyvush Finkel is asked, "Where are your pants?"

Commercials. I love the one where the adorable redhead from That 70s Show dances around. She rocks.

Urban beats. Boston houses. The hallway, where Anthony Heald is chasing down Harry. "Mr. Senate, did you take a group of students to a morgue last night to view a suicide victim?" Harry asks when. "Last night!" Harry asks what time. Heh. "Did you take students from this school to look at a boy who had shot himself in the head?" Harry says yes. I was hoping he'd turn the whole thing into an Abbott and Costello routine, though, and keep asking inane questions to deflect Scott, until Scott smacked him with his hat in frustration. But, no. Scott asks why. Harry says, "Before I answer that, is there any answer that you would find acceptable?" Just then, a school security guard appears behind Scott and asks to speak to him in his office. When Scott turns back to Mr. Senate, Harry is no longer there, having, I guess, shouted, "Form of: vapor!" and used his power ring with his Wonder Twin sister. I have no idea where that came from either. Anyway, Scott, frustrated in so many ways, goes off with the guard.

Marla's classroom. "Mr. Jackson. What can you tell me about the Louisiana Purchase?" Not much, says Mr. Jackson, who is, I believe, the same student who wanted to know in the series premiere why he should bust his black ass reading about a bunch of lies. "Why is that?" Mr. Jackson explains: "Well, I read the assignment on Friday, and by now it's Monday, and I forgot most of it. The reason for that is, it's boring. Most stuff that happened over a hundred years ago is boring. Unless you can relate it to what's going on now. That's the problem with the text we study from. We can't relate." He makes his point eloquently, calmly, and in a friendly tone. Thus, Marla has no choice but to response in the following manner: "Get out. Get yo ass outta my class, and go to the principal's office. Try to relate to that." Mr. Jackson protests that he was just making a point, and Marla says so is she. Yeah, nutbar, the point that you're playing with half a deck, you quack.

Vice-office. Appropriately. Because the school security guard, Matthew, is explaining a sensitive matter to Anthony Heald, which is that about sixty hours of security tapes have been stolen from his desk. Steven, who is also here, asks a bunch of irrelevant questions until the guard cuts through the treacle and gets to the point: "Look, it's not so much that the tapes were stolen, as what's on them." I don't see the difference; these seem to be two sides of the same coin (or, shall we say, the same side of two coins), but moving on: "Well, one camera was in the girls' locker room. In the shower. So these tapes would contain footage of naked coeds." Steven asks the obvious question (i.e. "what the fuck?") and Matthew points the finger at Anthony Heald: "Because he told me to put it there." Then they have a shouting match, in which it's relatively clear that Scott said to put a camera in the locker room, and Matthew chose to interpret this as, "Make kiddie porn." Scott says, "I never said shower!" about ninety times, and he's obviously telling the truth, but Steven pulls a very parental I-don't-care-who-started-it sort of thing and yells, "All right!" Scott says, "Fire him." Matthew says, "Fire me?" Steven says, "Have you watched these tapes, Matthew?" Matthew says yes. Scott says, "Fire him." Steven reiterates the situation, and Scott says, "Fire him." Matthew says, "There's also footage of a teacher." Steven says, "Who?" I'm not sure that that's relevant right now, but Matthew answers anyway: "Lauren Davis. She's been working out, and showering in the girls' locker room." There is a party in Scott Guber's pants at this point, but he does his best to look outraged, and kind of fails.

Back in Marla's classroom. She's asking another student more stuff about the Louisiana Purchase, and the student is semi-informed, but gets a few details wrong. Marla says, "Now get out. Go to the principal's office. Can't even answer a simple question, I got no use for ya. Who'd we buy the land from? Anybody? Anybody? All right, everybody out! GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM AND GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE! OUT! OUT! OUT!" She's lost her rocker, as it were. She's a few loaves of bread short of a stack, if you know what I mean.

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Boston Public

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