Boston Public

Episode Report Card
Key Grip: B | 287 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Fyvush Finkel's only damn line: "I don't go to Doyle's much."

In the hallway of the courthouse, Kevin paces nervously while Eleanor tries to reassure him. "I'm sure it'll be soon." He looks at her: "Look, whatever…thanks. I thought you did a great job." Just then, Scott and Steven emerge from the elevator, triggering the following warm exchange: "Listen, Kevin, whatever I…" "Go to hell, Steven. What? You want to throw me up against a wall now? Share one of your profundities? That's your big strength, isn't it, Steven?" Steven starts to walk away. "Walking away, that's another. You're such a hypocrite. Yeah, firing me really put the interests of the students first. The students got hurt, Steven. And you know it. But, hey, your little autocracy stayed intact. At least with Scott people see him coming." Steven and Scott walk away without another word. Squeaky Little Lawyer sticks his head around the corner and announces that the judge is ready to rule.

Indeed he is. Back in the courtroom, it looks surprisingly like the outcome of this case will actually be up to the judge to decide. Who knew? He says: "For the last hour, I've been going back and forth on this one. Truth be told, I didn't know how I was going to rule. Then I got a visit. On the way home from school, my seventeen-year-old daughter stopped in to say hello. As I looked at her, I tried to imagine [her] being involved in a sexual affair with a faculty member at her high school. I would be outraged, of course. But then I tried to imagine that teacher being found out by another faculty member, only to have the matter covered up, to have the affair continue. And this issue became crystal clear to me. We give you our children. We. Give. You. Our children. I find Mr. Riley's dismissal to be lawful. And his petition for a declaratory judgment denied. We are adjourned." And one more time: zing.

The dungeon. Harry is packing up for the day when Lauren enters. "Did you hear?" About Never-Again-Coach Kevin, presumably. Harry says he has. "I can't believe it," Lauren says. "I thought he'd win." Harry says he just talked to Kevin, "and he's okay. He's coming by here. I guess he's still got some stuff to take home." Lauren spots a box on Harry's desk, and asks what it is. "That? That's your Valentine's present. I thought maybe later you could pop my weasel. Or not." That line makes more sense if I explain that the box is a jack-in-the-box pop-goes-the-weasel type thing with a crank, but I thought it would be funnier just to transcribe the line first. Lauren sits down and turns the crank. On the box, you sickos. When it reaches the pivotal point in that familiar tune, a little teddy bear with Harry's face taped onto it pops out. Awwww. The bear says "squeeze me" on it. Awwwwwwwww. "See? I show my emotions just fine." She squeezes the bear, and it sprays water in her face. "I have limits, but it's the thought that counts." Lauren is moved and annoyed all at once, which means Harry is doing his job as a boyfriend properly. The Exposition Fairy comes in with some exposition: "Kevin and Milton are upstairs. They're about to leave." You know, it occurs to me that The Exposition Fairy knew about the affair, too, and didn't say anything. She should get fired also, no? Oh well.

Boston Public

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