Boston Public
Chapter Thirteen

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Fyvush Finkel's only damn line: "I don't go to Doyle's much."

Props to whomsoever invented the "Crossover Event." I think it was the guy who came up with the premise for "The Jetsons meet the Flintstones." What's his name? Oh yes. Satan.

Previously on Boston Public: The cheerleaders danced suggestively; Steven told Tina the cheerleading coach that her program was too suggestive; Mrs. Walsh spanked a kid; Harvey told Scott that she spanks kids for pleasure; Scott told Steven he was in love with Lauren Davis, and Steven told him not to go there; Scott told Harvey that he was a bigot; Kevin yelled at Milton for sleeping with Lisa, and Milton didn't care; Kevin lied to Steven about his knowledge of the affair; Scott fired Milton for sleeping with Lisa; Scott fired Kevin for not coming forward about what he knew.

And, previously on The Practice: a bomb exploded in an office, and some people got hurt; Kevin walked into the blasted office and said hello to Eleanor, whom he somehow knows; Eleanor told Steven she'd take him to court, and he was amenable to that scenario.

Okay, so, I don't know much about The Practice, and I certainly didn't see the episode where Coach Kevin somehow showed up at their law firm, but let's not let that stand in our way, okay? Okay!

Non-Coach Kevin paces at the law offices of The Practice, whatever their firm is called. "Would a court ever overrule the school board?" Kevin is asking his two lawyers, Eleanor and that other guy with the kind of squeaky voice, whose name I don't know. Eleanor answers, "Sometimes. The judge would likely call an evidentiary hearing; I don't think he'd ever overrule just on oral arguments." Kevin tells Eleanor that it's okay if she's rather not be doing this, and she says it's okay, "I appreciate the distraction." This means, probably, a distraction from worrying about whoever it is that got blown up in their office on that episode of The Practice I didn't watch. See, who needs to do research? I'm following this just fine. Kevin says, "How's she doing?" See? Now we know a woman got injured. Eleanor says she's still unconscious, but everybody's hopeful. Kevin again offers to withdraw, under the circumstances, but the Practice people aren't having it. Squeaky Guy says, "Our argument will be that they acted capriciously. That it was arbitrary to fire you. To do that, we need to show that what you did wasn't so bad. That it's all in a context." Kevin doesn't follow: "Meaning?" Eleanor tries to help: "Meaning it's all relative to whatever else goes on in that school." Kevin says, "You're talking in circles! What are you trying to tell me?" But she's not, really, and they've said it pretty clearly twice now. Squeaky Guy says, "What she's saying is, are you prepared to get ugly, to fight nasty, if we have to." Which is, of course, not precisely what they were saying, and now they ARE talking in circles. What they're saying is: if they point out all the stupid and arbitrary decision that I spent my first five recaps making fun of, then it will seem very odd that Kevin was one of the only teachers who got fired so far this year. I'm hoping they'll spell this out for him, and he'll say, "Speak English, man!" And then they'll say it even more simply, and he'll say, "Could you dumb it down a shade?" But instead he gets it, and says, "I gave that school four years of my life. I was a dedicated teacher. And they fired me without so much as a blink. I'd love to get ugly. Especially with Guber. Take Guber down." Which is all well and good, except that four years is not really that long for a teacher, and Kevin didn't actually seem to teach anything, he was a coach. And, not to belittle coaches, but they get fired for having losing records, let alone for concealing teacher-student affairs from the administration. So, basically, Crybaby Kevin, shut up.

Opening credits. I was hoping they'd splice in The Practice credits, and mix the two together, but no such luck. Mainly, I just wanted different music, but again, no such luck. Instead, we keep the "tune" that has helped make these opening credits into my recurring nightmarish fever dream. Hooray.

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