Boston Public
Chapter Thirty

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Aren't you a little old to still be gay?

Previously on Boston Public: Dr. Benji shocked Anthony Heald with a rehearsal for his lesbian-kiss-fest production of It's Our Town Too; Anthony Heald told Steven the production would make them lose their funding, and then he saw Jeremy Peters kissing some guy backstage.

Late at night. Steven is in his office when some guy comes in. I bet he's a lawyer, because this is a show about high school. Sure enough, he's the lawyer for a guy name Wesley Poe, a former Winslow High student now on death row for aggravated rape and murder. The attorney has been handling the appeal: "Unsuccessfully, I might add." What does he mean, "I might add"? Isn't that what you say when you add something that you're proud of? How about, "Unsuccessfully, I'm sad to say"? Whatever. Steven doesn't remember the kid, and wants to know what all of this has to do with him. Apparently, the kid wants Steven there when he is executed, this Thursday. The Low Keyboard Notes Of Unwanted Responsibility take us to…

Chez Hook. Scott and The Fancy New Hand Lady enter, laughing, after another fun-filled night on the town. Apparently, they're laughing about how cold it is outside. "I can barely feel my fingers, ha ha ha!" "The wind chill alone, hee hee hee heeee!" They walk into the kitchen to find Jeremy and the guy he was kissing before, both covered in sweat. The New Hand Lady observes that her son is sweating, and he's all, "Brandon was showing me some karate moves." She goes to get him a cold compress, leaving Scott to banter awkwardly with the two virile young boys. Brandon leaves. Meredith returns, irate, because she has spotted a used condom floating in the toilet. Jeremy, however, has an explanation for everything: "Brandon brought his girlfriend over. I just let them use the house, because his parents were home." The New Hand Lady is all, "You're also grounded!" Also? Then she says, "Get in the basem -- up to your room!" He goes. She asks Scott to leave. He tries to tell her something, but she says they'll speak tomorrow.

Teacher's lounge. Steven is talking to Harry "Coach" Senate The Plot Parasite, who asks, with what can only be called incredulity, "And you really don't remember him?" Steven says no, he doesn't; he must have had him in a class or something, but the records that far back are all in storage. Harry, because he is an expert on all criminal law, being a teacher, says that he didn't think you could get the death penalty for just one murder, and that the special circumstances were either that he killed a police officer, or tortured his victim. Since his victim was a fifteen-year-old girl, and not a police officer…well, you do the math. And then, when you're done doing math, conclude that Wesley Poe tortured some girl. Determined to milk more screen time from someone else's plot, as per his new purpose, Harry asks what Steven is going to do. "Well, he doesn't have any parents…" Guh? Ah yes, one of those new, spontaneously generated kids they're making nowadays. "…so first I'm just gonna go see him." "In Delaware?" "Yeah." Harvey comes in, commenting on the cold, but not finding it as hilarious as Scott and Meredith did earlier. "I can't teach when can see my own breath." "Why," says Steven, "does it look the way it smells?" Buh zuh huh? Why does everyone hate Harvey? Why is everybody mean to him, again? I don't understand this anymore. It's like they've given up on motivating the cruelty towards him with his actions, like being racist or incompetent, and now everybody just insults him for no reason. Great.

The un-geon. Ronnie is trying to teach something about literature: "So if Charles Dickens is the chronicler of the 1800s, who do you think could be ours today?" Somebody says Stephen King, which is a really weird answer. I mean, his focus isn't really the trials and tribulations of contemporary mores, is it? What about Richard Ford? But I guess that's the point, because you don't get good answers in the un-geon. Some kid who is obsessively sharpening pencils in the corner is all, "Oh yeah did you read Pet Sematary totally awesome yeah cool yeah…" Ronnie tells the kid, whose name is Zack, to stop sharpening pencils. Zack. Zack. He's a pencil sharpening maniac. Ronnie keeps Zack busy passing out assignments, and then points out that King "relies on horror for his story motives," which is a meaningless sentence. Zack interrupts her again, and she tries to take back the assignments, but he clambers all over the desks passing out assignments wildly.

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Boston Public




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