Boston Public
Chapter Thirty-Eight

Episode Report Card
Key Grip: B- | Grade It Now!
Porn To Be Wild

Previously on Boston Public: The Hook Lady and Marla threatened one another; Marla complained to Scott and Steven; Scott bought The Hook Lady a fake hand; The Fake Hand Lady sabotaged her son's relationship with Brooke, and Scott called her on it; Lauren was accused by Steven of being biased against her black students; Lauren complained to Harry, who told her not to get angry.

Harvey's room. He is talking to Spike's vampire ex-girlfriend Harmony, telling her that her homework is great. But it turns out to be a big fake-out, because really he's "acting." Harmony, you see, is in the middle of a photo shoot, and Harvey is pretending to be a teacher, talking to her. The photographer instructs Harvey not to talk. "I thought perhaps my dialogue might help create a mood." The photographer tells Harmony not to be so smiley. Outside the door, The Exposition Fairy -- looking cute as a button, if I may say -- explains that situation to Ronnie. Apparently, Harmony won some magazine contest. What magazine? "I think she said it was Seventeen, or something." It turns out she's close, but not quite right.

In an alcove under the stairwell, a student leads Marla to some girl, who is curled up on the floor, shaking and crying and freaking out. Marla asks the girl what's wrong, and but she can only flail her arms, and say, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I know the feeling.

Aww, yeah. Boston Harbor is the phattest harbor in the hiz-ouse.

Delineation Alley. Marla walks with the all-too-familiar gurney as Anxiety Girl is led away, and Scott and Steven discuss her. "Drugs?" "Sylvie Platt? High honors. I'd be terribly surprised if drugs were involved." Yes, it must be all that time she's spending with her head in the oven, and shepherding the career of her fellow-poet husband, instead of concentrating on her OWN WORK FOR ONCE GODDAMMIT! Aaaanyway, Dick Teachie approaches and asks what happened, but then some girl comes up. Before Teachie can introduce a plotline for himself, the girl snarks that The Hook Lady hit her. Scott offers to interview her about it, and both Steven and Dick Teachie raise eyebrows at the conflict of interest this presents, but Scott insists that he can handle it. "That woman is crazy," says the girl. Scott takes her away, with her glittery-grunge duds flashing down the hall. Who is she, Sporty Spice? Then the scene ends without Dick Teachie doing anything. Why was he there?

Girls' Locker Room. And, just when I've abandon all hope of there being anything sexy going on in here, Harmony is in short-shorts and a wet t-shirt, getting photographed. But just as Hefner Guccione is asking her to take some of her clothes off, Ronnie appears and ruins all the fun. "Ms. Cooke? It's okay, we're just doing the shoot." But Ronnie's not having it, and confronts Larry Flynt. "Who, and exactly what, are you?"

The Hospital. Where we spend altogether too much time on this show. Marla and Anxiety Girl's parents are listening to a doctor explain that the girl had an anxiety attack. Apparently, these are frequently the result of pressure from school, though Marla seems to think that anthrax-tainted shellfish may be the culprit. No, really -- she gives a whole speech about anthrax-tainted shellfish, and everybody looks at her like she's crazy. Then the doctor brings the girl's parents in to see the girl, leaving Marla outside.

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Boston Public




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