Boston Public
Chapter Thirty-Five

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"Jeremy Peters? My daughter is dating Jeremy Peters?" We're in the Sanctum, where Scott has apparently just broken the news to Steven. Or, since we have now learned what actually precedes the incredulous questions, they have been standing in silence for the last several minutes. Anyway, Scott says he thinks it's wonderful, and says Meredith does too, and that Steven ought to be happy, since at least Jeremy is Brooke's age. Steven takes this in, looks a bit ill, and says, "The boy is a little…off." Steven reminds Scott of the basement locking incident, and Scott says that that was last year, which is a legitimate comeback since Jeremy's entire personality really has changed, a half dozen times, since then. Steven's all, "Oh, come on. He's a psycho just like his mother. Awkward pause. I didn't mean that." Finally, Steven brings up the fact that, until this morning, Jeremy was gay. "He's bisexual." "Oh, terrific." "A school principal should practice more tolerance…" "Oh, allow me a parental reaction, please."

Delineation Alley. Lauren tracks down the girl with the liking for rolls of pennies at her locker, and asks the girl -- let's call her "Pennywise" for the time being -- to open it. Pennywise is all, "I'm sorry, Ms. Davis. That locker is my sole vestige of privacy in this place." But Lauren insists until the girl complies. Inside, the locker is totally normal. If it belonged to a teenage boy, anyway: the inside is plastered with images of scantily clad skinny women. Hmmm. Maybe there's more going on here than coin-related self-gratification after all.

Lauren takes Pennywise into her classroom, and immediately starts in on her: "Who weighs you? Your parents or a nutritionist?" Pennywise plays dumb, so Lauren is like, "I guess your parents. And, they're, what…easier to fool?" Apparently, the penny roll is a classic trick, along with drinking lots of water, to disguise weight loss and/or fake weight gain, for anorexics who are trying to trick people. Lauren's all, "I looked at your file. You missed last semester because you were at a clinic for people with eating disorders." Um, doesn't "looking at her file" violate a number of privacy laws? If only there were a lawyer at the school, we could find out. Oh well. Anyway, Pennywise says, "I don't have that problem anymore…but if I lose any more weight I have to go back. I just don't want to go back." Pennywise? More like Skinnythighs.

Sanctum. "I thought you'd be happy. He's my age!" Steven's giving Brooke the business for dating Jeremy. Um…are they actually dating? By my scorecard, they kissed once, this morning. Brooke asks if Steven will ever be happy with anyone she dates, and wonders if he thinks she should look for "a nice gang-banger." My God, China Jesusita Shavers is the most one-note actress in the world. Have I mentioned this before? I think so, but it's worth saying again: every single line is delivered in the same tone of self-righteous faux-confusion at the other person's idiocy. Wait, that's how I talk. Anyway, she's all, "You promised to stay out of my personal life." And he's all, "I promised to try." And I'm all, "When?" He's been up in her personal life ever since she came to the school! "Jeremy's…sweet. And he's sensitive." Then she says, "Butt out." The first time she said it, I thought she was saying, "But out." As in, "However, he's homosexual, so don't worry." But, no, I was wrong. Steven tries a few last-minute ploys, such as the sexuality issue, which she blows off, and "he smokes cigarettes." "Daddy, you're so lame. I love you too." Awwww. I mean, "Zzzzzz."

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Boston Public

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