Boston Public
Chapter Three

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Wherein Fyvush Finkel says, "You've been making eyes at their buttocks area."

Firemen are untying Anthony Ward while Anthony Heald explains to Principal Steve-o what the kid claims happened. Actually, he scrolls down the options presented to him on the insides of his electro-corneas, and selects: "He says he was up on the roof practicing square knots when he fell." This-Has-Got-To-Stop says, "This has got to stop." He approaches young Master Ward and asks him if he's all right. "Yes," he says, "Please don't teach me any more jujitsu." If had a nickel for every time I had to say that to my high school principal...oh, you know. Anyway, no one's coming forward with any information, but Steve says to hold off on calling the police. "Have him checked out, and then get him to my office." Anthony Heald nods, and throws a helicopter pilot to his death. Not really, but, see, because that happens in Terminator 2. I'm gonna keep doing those, even though I'm told that Robert Patrick is actually on TV now, on some other show on this network. But who cares?

The hallway. Marla Hendricks and Harvey Lipschultz are planning their team-teaching strategy. Harvey suggests good cop-bad cop, but they can't agree on who will be which. "The kids are already afraid of you," argues Harvey, "because they think you have mental problems. I mean that as a compliment." In another astonishingly convenient coincidence for the cameraman, just like last episode, the next conversation important to the plot is going on in this very hallway, and reaches its most crucial point just as Harvey and Marla pass it. Coach Kevin is talking to one of his football players. "What do you mean he's gay?" The player says, "Warren Baker and Jimmy Quinn saw him rigging with some guy in Harvard Square." What's rigging? "What's rigging?" asks Coach Kevin. It is, apparently, kissing and making out and stuff. Who knew? By the way, Harvard sucks. So does Princeton, Sars. ["Bite me, Eli." -- Sars] Aaanyhow, Kevin points out that "Bobby Renfro's sexual privacy is his business." The player concedes this point, but also asserts that, while no one objects to having him on the team, they don't want to shower with him, because many of them think he's been checking them out. Like he's attracted, and stuff. Coach Kevin gives a look like, "I finally get a story arc, and it's this tired crap?"

Steve's office. He's grilling Anthony Ward about his attackers, and Anthony offers that it wasn't Malcolm White. I guess because the Home Improvement kid only got a one-episode contract. "Who was it?" Anthony doesn't know. They had hoods. "Then how do you know it wasn't Malcolm White?" He doesn't know. Maybe it was. He didn't see any faces. Can he go now? "Yeah, you can go home. That's what you can do. You're suspended." What for? "Look it up. School handbook. If a student represents a safety risk, he can be removed from --" Who is he a risk to? "Yourself! If kids are hanging you upside-down from a roof deck, and you won't cooperate by allowing us to protect you, you are a risk to yourself. Go home. You're suspended. Anthony, do you think I'm kidding?" Anthony books, telling Steven he can't do anything because there's too many of them. "Too many of whom?" Steve yells, emphasizing "whom" to point out to us that he's the only person on staff at this school who has mastered proper English usage. Anthony Heald melts through the door and wants to know what Anthony Ward had to say, which was not much; Steve just repeats the business about there being "too many of them." More good news: "This school board meeting, Wednesday night? It's going to be public. I think you're being set up for an ambush." Steven asks, "By the superintendent?" No, idiot, by the Blackfoot tribe, hidden away in the catacombs that dot yonder hills. Yes, by the superintendent. We do watch the frigging show (unfortunately). According to Milton Buttle, it turns out, the superintendent has contacted Malcolm White.

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Boston Public

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