Kooke-house. Ronnie and Billy Zane are making food, and he asks her how much the reincarnation books cost her. "I don't know. Nine bucks apiece?" For a class, of what, twenty-five kids? Big deal, she was making six figures like last week. Even so, Billy gets all annoying about it. Ronnie explains her master plan to teach the kids to wonder if they have a soul, to combat the profound sense of nothingness at the center of their lives. He asks, "So, all in all?" And she says, "It was amazing, it was so…totally…it sucked. The kids didn't exactly welcome me, and the teachers, they held a special meeting to protest my even being hired." Yeah, that Beth Littleford's a bitch. "Aren't first days supposed to be lousy? But, I guess, when you make big life decisions that are selfless and altruistic, you sort of expect to be embraced for it." By the way, why is David Kelley obsessed with lawyers? Boston Public was his only non-lawyer-centric show last year. Now it's all about Ronnie Cooke the ex-lawyer. Also, isn't Billy Zane's character supposed to be a jerk? Why is he all insightful and supportive now?
No time to answer those questions. We're back in Steven's office, where Lauren is yelling at Steven while Yo-lita looks on. "I'm not trying to be punitive…" "Well, it is punitive. She's essentially being punished because she's pregnant." Steven tells Yo-lita that she's a role model, and he doesn't want her making teen pregnancy seem cool "when it's an epidemic in this country!" Yo-lita retorts, "You think people will look at my fat stomach and say, 'Hey, that looks like fun. Let's all have a baby.'" Steven says, "No, thanks, I just ate." Actually, no, but that'd be funny because he's so big. And a baby-eating arc for Steven could really take the show in a new, wacky direction. Instead, though, he says, "I consider it extremely irresponsible for students to get pregnant. I'm not gonna roll out some politically correct welcome wagon." Yo-lita threatens to get a lawyer and go to court, and Steven's all, "Get a lawyer. You're afraid to even tell your parents." After one more round of begging and denial, Yo-lita, like, all leaves and stuff. Lauren tells Steven she doesn't agree with him. "It's not like she intended to get pregnant, so establishing a deterrent…teenagers don't look ahead, Steven. The only time is now for them, surely you can't hope to change that." Steven thinks, or sighs, or is bored.
Vice-office. Scott is listening to classical music. (Please do not email me to ask what piece it is. I don't know. Please, no. No, really, I don't.) Steven comes in. "I'm going home." "Everything okay?" "Yeah. The teachers are grumbling again. You know anything about this secret meeting?" "Ronnie Cooke. They don't think we should have hired her." "Well, I sure hope she can teach." "So do I." I can't believe they actually just had that exchange. What do you mean you hope she can teach? Surely you interviewed her, or requested recommendations, or some form of something that might indicate her abilities in this area. Meanwhile, Scott undergoes enormous physical pain while forcing himself to banter with Steven about chicks. "Got a helluva body though, huh? Sweet." Steven just says, "Excuse me? What did you say? Scott, are you all right?" Scott blames his odd remark on painkillers from the dentist. Then again, is this so out of character? Didn't he say more or less the same thing about Lauren last year? Oh well. Steven tries to leave, but Scott stops him, to come clean: "I haven't been going to the dentist. I've been seeing a therapist. Regarding my sense of isolation. We discussed the fact that I have no friends, and we talk about you, and the fact that, as much as we care for each other, there seems to be no commonality of interest, and Doctor [Theramustachio Man] mentioned women as a topic for single men, and that's why I made that comment about Ms. Cooke's physicality. In an anemic attempt…to bond." Also, because he thinks she has a sweet body, but whatever. Steven says, "Ah. Well. Um. How 'bout this: one night this week, let's go grab a pizza, and talk." Scott looks pained, and says, "Do you know who Dmitry Shostakovich is?" Steven's all, "I told you, Scott, I like basketball, I don't really follow hockey." Oh, all right, BWA HA HA! Scott says pizza sounds great. Steven leaves. Scott broods and listens to more music, which I cannot identify for you.