Boston Public
Chapter Twenty-Nine

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Oscar was Wilde, but Thornton was Wilder

A choir sings "America the Beautiful" pretty badly. Marilyn says, "Excellent!" Then she gives them some last-minute instructions about that night's pageant. Apparently, the rest of the school will join them onstage for some of the songs, and "if the person next to you cannot sing, try to help them get back on key." But what if that applies to everyone? Not much use then, your "conducting," is it, Ms. Souter? Meanwhile, Harry lurks by the door, because Max is in the choir, and he asks to talk to Harry, which is clearly what Harry is there to do anyway. They head down to the dungeon, and Max is all, "My mom told me she told you. So, you gonna dog me now? If you start treating me like one of your charity projects." But Harry says that he doesn't plan to do that. At which point, Harry dogs him like a charity case. "Why did you write the essay?" Max says that the assignment was to write about what he knows, and he knows what it feels like to think he's going to die, so that's what he wrote about. So Harry says, you know, that if Max ever wants to talk, Harry will be dogging him like a charity case.

Somewhere in the snowy streets of Boston, Dick Teachie goes up to a house and knocks on the door. Talk Time answers the door. "You sick? You don't look sick to me." "So? You don't look nuts, but we both know better." Heh. Teachie gives her a college application pep talk about she'll get into college, and then he says, "You're my best student, Debbie. And I'm gonna make it my mission to get you into BU." Then he gives her the homework assignment she missed, and tells her not to worry.

Ronnie and Billy Zane are walking along, and they repeat the scene from earlier, only with more anger this time. "The implication was that you were lonely…with me." "Funny thing, Matthew, that's what I said." Did girls used to break up with David E. Kelley for this reason? Because he sure uses it a lot. Then she says, "I am lonelier with you than I am alone." I AM SO MAD! I SAID I WOULD BE MAD, AND I AM! THIS IS THE SAME SCENE FROM LAST YEAR! Sheesh, why doesn't she just say something about the pleasures of solitude, over-enunciate, and release a video of herself showering? Then she'd really be Lauren. Or maybe she could just do that last one. Anyway, meanwhile, she's still grinding up Billy Zane's heart: "I know that sounds mean, but it's the truth. Sometimes I think that maybe the cruelest thing is to stay together. We laugh. We love. But, you get right down to it, and I have a good body, and a satellite dish, and that's enough for you." He asks if the sex is the problem, and she says the sex is the only thing good about the relationship. He replies that she's obviously on "this mad drive to perfect your life, and your latest quest is to find the perfect man, and let me be honest when I tell you this, Ronnie. I'm it." She says that she loves him, and adores him, but "at the risk of sounding like a heroine on a silly TV show, my heart is lonely, and I need to move on." Sad tinkly piano music takes us out of the scene. Okay, so much was wrong with that. First of all, why the sad tinkly music? Do we care about this couple? They've been barely together all year, and everything she's saying is clearly right. Also, she stole Lauren's dialogue. Also, "at the risk of sounding like a heroine on a silly TV show"? Who writes that into their silly TV show?

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Boston Public

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