Livin' large at Winslow High, boyeeeee.
The office. Steven and Harry, standing around. The Exposition Fairy comes in late, and Steven asks her where she's been. She's not good at providing her own exposition, it seems, because she doesn't explain very well. Then she asks, "What's this about Danny Hanson kidnapping the governor?" Dick Teachie, who is standing nearby, unnoticed, says, "I didn't kidnap any governor." Steven tells Danny to come into his office, and that Harry will cover his classes today. Danny protests that he just threw a phone at a guy, and Harry justifies his presence in the scene by saying, "Was it a pay phone?" Then he disappears for the rest of the episode. I miss Harry. Before Steven has a chance to follow Dick Teachie into the Sanctum, he notices that The Exposition Fairy has accidentally spilled a bunch of mail out of her purse. "What was that?" "My mail." "Let me see it please." No. Yes. No. Yes. Meanwhile, Scott wanders in and picks up one of the envelopes off the floor, where it fell. "Hmm. 'Dear Helen.'" Steven glares at Louisa, and tells her that, when he's done with Dick Teachie, she's next. Bum-bum-bummmmmm.
Lauren's room. Britney-ta comes in, a bounding bundle of boundless energy, and announces that Mr. Important Record Man wants to sign her, and also he's got a new group he wants her to open for, and tour with, and the tour is four months long, and starts in December, and oh MY GOD! Lauren points out that Agui-lita would have to leave school, but…Pink counters that this is a great opportunity. Blah blah, what guarantees did he give you, blah-di-blah. Ultimately, Lauren tells L'il-lita to talk to her parents first, and get a lawyer to look over the contract before she signs anything. And oh MY GOD!
Sanctum Stevenorium. Steven is saying something about how he hired Dick Teachie with reservations to begin with, given his criminal record. Which consists, it seems, of two drug arrests in college, and some joy-riding in high school. That's a lot like your record, eh, Sars? Well, how do you expect me to behave when you set fire to my legs? Wait. That was in the dream. ["Besides, it was public lewdness, not joy-riding." -- Sars] Anyhow, the only point of this meeting is for Steven to express that he is concerned, and to elicit a pledge of better behavior from Dick Teachie, and also to make sure he's okay. None of these things goes very well. But then he sends away Teachie and summons The Exposition Fairy, and tells her that the best thing she can do to help herself is give him straight answers. "Are you Dear Helen?" Yes. "Who else knows about this?" Nobody. "Why are you doing this?" And here's where she gets all well-informed on Steven's ass: "Because the lack of information out there is, in my mind, life-threatening. Kids still don't wear condoms, half of them think AIDS is over, and many of them suffer from emotional scarring due to embarrassment over sex!" Steven is persuaded by her sound reasoning, and says, "Good points all, Louisa. You may continue to write your column." Wait, this may have also been in my dream. Because, actually, it looks like Steven is saying something else: "You committed fraud, Louisa! You also exposed this school to a lawsuit! Not to mention the fact that you have no training!" Actually, those are good points too. Louisa says, "I ran everything through a doctor!" "I don't care!" "THEN WHY DID YOU ASK?!" Then she starts crying. Steven's all, "You're crying. I don't care that you're crying. It's not fair that you're crying. I shouldn't have to deal with that, and you're making me deal with that. I don't know what I'm gonna do about this. Go back to your job while you still have it."