The Un-geon. One of Ronnie's students is explaining why it's stupid that they have to know dates from history…no, he's explaining why he shouldn't have to read a history book that's full of lies…no, wait, he's explaining why they shouldn't have to read Shakespeare. Whatever. It's from the David Kelley cookie-cutter "disgruntled yet well-informed student" speech file. "Lemme tell you something about Shakespeare. I know a lot about Shakespeare, see, he was a playwright." Shout-out? Probably not. I'm a playwright, though. I mean…when I'm not recapping. "He sat down with his little quill with one goal in mind." To meet girls? "To fill seats." Oh, man, this guy doesn't know a thing about playwriting. And yet, he keeps talking. "I mean, just like every playwright who's scared the house is gonna close, he's threw in the sex, and the death, and the gay stuff, hey, he even threw in some of the mother-son kinky gay stuff. I mean, a lot of this crap is the same, and we don't wanna say it because it's 'Shakespeare.' And I'm sick of schools jammin' him. And I'm sick of actors, after they do Lethal Weapon, doin' him. Take the guys books, put 'em on the shelf, and if we wanna read 'em, fine. But I don't think schools should be jammin' him." The other students applaud this upstart, who, for reasons which I think are self-explanatory, I shall call Kit Marlowe. Ronnie ponders this turn of events. Then she pulls out a knife and stabs Kit Marlowe above the eye. Not really, but that's how Kit Marlowe died, so…hey, um…where was I?

Sanctum Non-Stevenorium. Steven and X are in the principal's office at Brooke's school, as the principal explains to Brooke that "that goat would be alive, well, and chewing his cud, if you had not tried to spirit him away." Apparently, she stole the goat, who was the school mascot, and "liberated" him into oncoming traffic, as part of a protest against the school team being the Rebels, "as in 'the South shall rise again' Rebels, as in 'the Confederate flag' Rebels…" She makes a good point, though killing the goat was likely not the way to go. Anyway, her principal looks pained, which is an expression Steven ought to recognize and sympathize with. But he doesn't.

Dick Teachie's room. Talk Time is asking, incredulously, "Why do I have to do the talking?" rendering her nickname the most prescient ever in the history of Mighty Big TV, with the possible exception of "Probably Gay Jack." Dick Teachie says, "You were voted by the class to be the lawyer." Um, wouldn't she know that already? Ah, the perennial problem with beginning a scene with an incredulous question rears its head once more. Anyway, Talk Time doesn't want to be the lawyer, nor does she want to go up against Guber, "he's a Nazi." The upcoming hearing has to do with Scott's motion to dismiss, and so it will be Talk Time's duty to convince a judge that the case has merit. "I still don't know why I gotta do the talking." Um, because you're Talk Time! Dick Teachie tries to psych up the class with a speech that ends with, "This is America!"