Teacher's lounge. Ronnie is eating lunch and looking at a book of some kind when Billy Zane appears. He's surprising her, because his lunch cancelled, or something, and wants to see where she works. Ronnie's upset because her students hate Shakespeare. "I mean, I don't expect everyone to love him, but they don't even have an appreciation for him!" Guh? Isn't that kind of the same thing? Billy Zane suggests that perhaps he just seems dry to them on the page, and that might be rectified if he were to, say, come in and perform a scene. "Oh that uh you're very kind." She obviously doesn't want him anywhere near her classroom, but he persists: "Look, to be honest, I've been a little envious of what you're doing here, and it put a bug in me to educate, and Shakespeare is something that I'm pretty good at. I'll pick a scene, and I'll bring it in, and I'll turn 'em, you watch." Just then, Harvey comes in and introduces himself. Ronnie tells him that they've already met. "I think I'd remember a pretty face like that. Unless you have two faces, and I met the other one." Heh. Ronnie has some lame comeback about garlic breath, and Billy Zane piles on a lamer one about nose hair, but Harvey is the clear winner here. Still, Ronnie and Billy Zane look at each other like they've really showed up the old man by insulting his odor and appearance, after he pointed out Ronnie's blatant back-stabbing.
The hallway. Scott reminds Steven -- or, in fact, the audience -- that he's arguing the motion to dismiss tomorrow. Steven even says, "Do I remember? The whole school wants to be let out early so they can attend!" Yadda yadda, we should win, blah dee blah. Marla appears: "I made my appointment! I came by your office!" Scott tells her to make another one. Steven wants to know what's going on. "This school is promoting heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol. Is this school for those things, Steven?" Steven says, "Absolutely. What is she talking about?" She gives him the vending machine spiel, and Steven directs her back to Scott, who tells her to make another appointment, and zzzzzzzzzzz huh, wuh? Meanwhile, on the stairwell, Ronnie is explaining to Harry that Billy Zane is the worst performer in history, and under no circumstances can she let him perform in her class. The problem is, "he doesn't think he's funny. He thinks he's good. It'll be a disaster." Harry advises her to tell Billy Zane that the school said no. Meanwhile, again, they pass The Exposition Fairy, who is yelling exposition into the hallway from the office. I mean, she's yelling it at people: some gathered parents who are upset about the breast-orgasm column. Louisa insists that "the medical advice this 'Helen' has offered, so far, checks out." The parents are not mollified by this. For my part, it just makes me suspect that "this 'Helen'" is a actually a "Louisa." Anyway, the parents continue to grouse ("Hubbub! Hubbub! Hubbub!") until The Exposition Fairy promises to schedule an appointment with Steven for them. "In the meantime, you should all check out the statistics on teen pregnancy, on sexually transmitted diseases, and if you're not talking to your kids about this stuff, then maybe this 'Ask Helen' column isn't such a bad thing." The parents grumble a little more quietly ("Murmur, murmur, murmur"). But then Steven comes out of his office and says, "Are they gooooonnne ?" Um if he wasn't sure they were gone, why would he come barging out of his office? Is he a moron? I guess he must be. Him or the writer. One of the two.