Boston Public
Chapter Twenty-Six

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admin: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
By Hook or by Brooke

Previously on Boston Public: Anthony Heald told The Hook Lady that she'd be allowed to T.A. at Winslow; Harvey called Lionel Pratt a douchebag; Talk Time served Harvey with a lawsuit on behalf of Lionel; Anthony Heald went on a date with The Hook Lady, and she kissed him on the cheek.

It's a sunny day outside Winslow High, and a steamy one inside it, as two students grope each other in a little alcove off the main hallway. Actually, it's not so much an alcove as it is the middle of hallway, with a window on one side and a food machine on the other. So it's no surprise when Marla Hendricks bangs on the food machine and disrupts the grope-fest. She asks the boy if he wants "to keep that hand? I see you doing that again, you are gonna end up like The Hook Lady!" She sends the kids off to class, and then turns around to find The Hook Lady lurking behind her. "Hook Lady? Is that what you call me?" Marla says, "I was referring figuratively to someone with a hook in literature." Who in literature would that be? "That transvestite captain who was chasing around Peter Pan. The cross-dresser." Heh. "Get over yourself. It's a big world, and you are not the only lady in it with a hanger on the end of your nub. And what are you doing stalking me?" The Hook Lady explains that she was simply going to one of the food vending machines: "What a coincidence to find you in the vicinity." Marla says, "I will drop you with one shot. Don't be fooled because I'm petite." Heh. Marla's doing good so far today. But then The Hook Lady steps close and gets all creepy and says, "It would be interesting if you and I fought, wouldn't it?"

The office. Scott, Steven, and The Exposition Fairy. "Smell that boot!" Oh dear Lord. And the poor actress is acting like she knows this gag has been totally ruined, and that she's slowly being transformed into someone the audience will vaguely dread, instead of someone they like. "Oh," says Scott, "it's a boot now. She brought in a boot." "That is the boot of smut! Have you read the 'Dear Helen' column in the school paper today? Breast-only orgasms. I don't pay taxes…" "…on your nineteen thousand dollars…" "…to have my daughter read about how she can have an orgasm by having her breasts squeezed." The Exposition Fairy strays beyond what is, strictly speaking, her jurisdiction, and points out that the column is responsible, insofar as it provides girls with a viable route to satisfaction that doesn't involve intercourse. "Smell it!" I hope she still means the boot. The phone rings, so Louisa retreats into exposition, handing the phone to Steven: "It's your ex. Emergency." Apparently, Steven's ex-wife is hysterical, and it has something to do with someone named Brooke. Then he starts to go, and Scott asks him what's wrong, and he says, "I don't know. My daughter may have killed someone." This is, of course, in front of The Shoe Lady, which is just asking for her to come back with: "Smell that stiletto! That is the stiletto of a principal who cannot even raise his own daughter!"

Somewhere on the streets of Boston, Steven gets out of his mysteriously snazzy-looking car, and meets up with his ex-wife. Together, they go over to the front steps of a school, in front of which, in the street, is a body covered with a sheet. The sigh, and lean on each other. A cop approaches and tells them that Brooke is inside giving her statement. X starts to go, but Steven stays to ask about "the, uh…the victim…" He lifts the sheet. It's a goat. "It's a goat?" says Steven. "She killed a goat? Why didn't you tell me it was a goat?" X says she didn't know. "It's a goat! IT'S A GOAT!" KHAAAAAAAAN!

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