Previously on Boston Public: Steven threw Malcolm White against a locker; Scott taught Cheryl Holt a lesson about manners and common decency; Harry tried to get Dana Poole to stop stripping and embrace her poorness; Scott asked Kevin Jackson to go out for the debate team; Steven learned that Lisa Greer had been teaching a Shakespeare class ever since the teacher bailed in November; Evie from Out Of This World interviewed Scott for a job at Exeter; Scott didn’t get the job because Steven questioned his readiness; Marilyn questioned Jeremy Peters's mother about Jeremy’s mysterious bruise; Steven told Marilyn to notify social services; Jeremy insisted that his mother was not abusive; Marilyn told Mrs. Peters that she was destroying her son; Daniel Evans told Scott and Harry that he and Lauren were going out; Lauren admitted to Marilyn that she was attracted to Daniel because she used to teach him; Daniel got all scary and stalked Lauren; Lauren bought a gun; Marilyn told Steven about the basement-locking, and Mrs. Peters admitted it; Jeremy sat in the basement looking all psycho.
Whew. And in the five minutes that remain, we present tonight’s episode.
Lauren leaves the school through the special scary brick-and-wire exit, and walks through the empty parking lot. Because people afraid of stalkers like to stay at school late into the night, and walk around unescorted in areas they’re likely to be found. She bleeps her car, and then is brought up short by a noise off to the side. But it’s just a cat in the dumpster. Ah, the old noisy-cat-in-dumpster-but-oops-there’s-the-psycho trick. Lauren sighs, relieved, when she sees the cat, but -- oops, there’s the psycho, accompanied by the Psycho Orchestra noise. Cocker Daniel says, “First you send the police to talk to me, then go to an ex-boyfriend to protect you? Can you please explain to me what I did to deserve this?” Lauren, in an admirable display of forthrightness, says, “You stalked me, Daniel, you made me afraid. Now, I’m not looking to put you in jail, but I do want you to leave me alone.” She tries to move towards her car, but he remains in her way. He utters some ridiculousness about how she should give him a chance (to what? Take more pictures?), and insists that, while he may have some secrets, he’s not dangerous. Of course, the fact that he’s crazy is no longer, strictly speaking, a secret, but Lauren doesn’t point this out. Instead, she pretends to agree to talk to him in a clever ruse, and says they should go to a restaurant. “Someplace public?” he says. And she’s all, “Very public,” and heads for her car and gets in. He says, “So should I just follow you then?” She gives him a look. Heh. He adds, “To the restaurant.” She looks at him for another beat, and then pulls her gun out of the glove compartment. “What are you doing!?” says Cocker Daniel. Lauren’s all, “This is how afraid I am, Daniel. I carry a gun now. And if I see you again I may become so frightened that I will be forced to act justifiably out of self-defense. Or I may simply panic. In either case, it will not be a good result. Especially for you. So take a hint, listen to your fear, however you process things to conform your behavior: get your ass out of my sight, and keep it out of my sight.” Of course, to Cocker Daniel, this sounded like, “Blah blah blah, Daniel. Blah blah blah see you again. Blah blah blah good blah blah you. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah ass blah blah blah blah blah.” But, like any smart Cocker Daniel, he picks up a lot from Lauren’s tone, and scampers off with his tail between his legs. Lauren breathes out.
Last credits of the season. So, shall we take predictions on what new faces will be in opening next season? Mandy Patinkin, obviously. Jenna The Bitch, perhaps. Reportedly Jeri Ryan. And I’m still hoping Milton Buttle comes back…