Breaking Bad
Caballo Sin Nombre

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | 3 USERS: A+
There Ain't No One For to Give You No Pain

At the Walt-less White home, Flynn's moping in his room while his computer displays the current $13k+ total of the Save Walter White Fund (Sponsored by Geocities). Yet another target of Walt's prideful scorn for sympathy, if you'll recall. Skyler peeks her head in and gets summarily ignored by her son. She gazes over at the computer screen. Now she gets to see the fund as the tragic sham that it is (though I wonder if she's caught on to where the donations are coming from?). She leaves Flynn to his headphones.

At dinner (Hank and Marie brought takeout), it's uncomfortably quiet, save for Hank giving Marie shit for eating sushi. Skyler announces that Flynn is looking for a part-time job, so if Hank hears of anything ... "My name is Walter Jr.!" Flynn yelps. "What? You can't even say his name?" It's a cheap shot, and he knows it. Skyler tells him she'll call him Mary Queen of Scots so long as he lets her know that's what he wants to be called. And honestly, I'm calling him Flynn. Because a) it's shorter to type, b) it's a better name than Walter Jr. and he's gonna come to his senses about it sooner or later, and c) you get one name change with me and that's it. That's why P. Diddy will always be P. Diddy, to me. Same with Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. "Dad didn't even show up 'til 4th period!" Flynn goes on. "And his eyes were all red like he's been crying or something." Hank: conspicuously silent. Flynn accuses Skyler of forcing Walt to stay away (um, guilty), and says that even though she doesn't love Walt anymore, he does. "Why you gotta be such a...such a..." You know what's coming. You hope it sticks in his throat. "A bitch!" Hank stands up to assert some boundaries here, but Skyler calls him off, and Flynn retreats to his room. Marie leans over and reassures Skyler that she has her reasons for this. To that end, Hank finally just up and asks, "I know it's none of my business, but ... keeping Walt from the kids?" "You're right," says Skyler. "It is none of your business."

Outside, the door has barely shut behind them before Marie starts spinning her wheels about what Skyler's reasons could possibly be. I've known this person. I've been this person. She has! To! Know! Hank doesn't think it's so hard to figure out. Walt was cheating on her. Hank says he knew it ever since that second cell phone was discovered. Marie doesn't buy it. If it were merely cheating, Skyler would have told her by now. You know, not only is Hank making himself look bad by being so clueless, but I'm starting to think if we gave Marie resources and manpower, she'd have Walt -- and the whole town -- on lockdown within a week. Obsessives who aren't afraid to be obnoxious can get shit done. You tell me Hank couldn't use her on his task force?

Saul's office. Outside, it still looks like he's in a strip mall. Inside, however, he's got his office tricked out so it looks like a lost set from The West Wing. Looks like somebody went and got himself some marble columns with his drug money. He's haggling with someone or other via his extra-obnoxious Bluetooth when Jesse shows up. He's here to collect his half of the cash. While Saul yammers on about what a shame it is that Walter's out of the game, Jesse clears off a nearby table so he can count the money. Not that Saul is the type to skim a little off the top AT ALL. Saul wonders if Jesse might talk to Walt and ask him to reconsider; Jesse's silent throughout his whole pitch. He finally looks at Saul and asks him if he'd like to do a job for him. Saul is intrigued.

Walt's returning home to his bachelor pad when he walks by the building's outdoor pool and stops in his tracks. Now you tell me how he ends up eagle-eyeing a Band-Aid floating in the middle of the pool. Maybe after the airplane crash he's just more attuned to foreign objects floating in pools? Like that's his X-Men power? Regardless, he fishes the Band-Aid out, face full of disgust, as per usual. But his expression brightens considerably when he walks up to his apartment and sees Flynn camped out by the door.

Cut to an old folks home. You can tell because ... well because of all the old folks, sure, but also, it's got all the ancillary signifiers. Board games. Jello cups. People asleep in front of televisions. Gandchildren who never visit. An old lady drops a puzzle piece (that too), and from our perspective on the ground, we see the now-familiar skull-tipped boots of Les Cousines Dangereuses. In their shiny suits and meticulous facial hair, they stride past the blue-hairs and find the old man in the wheelchair by the window. There's Tio, looking angry as ever, with his bell attached to his chair because he can't speak. Cousin peruses the board games on the shelf until he finds what he's looking for: Ouija. Santa Muerte and/or the Parker Brothers would be proud. Cut to the Cousins pointing to various letters on the board and Tio dinging his bell (as angrily as possible) whenever they hit the right one. It's a decent enough method if they're looking for the name of a guy, but it's not entirely practical if Tio's looking to write his autobiography, Memoirs of a Floor-Shitter. Also, they're not using the oracle like you're supposed to. Anyway, Tio dings a few more times, and the Cousins jot down the letters, until they finally have a name: WALTER WHITE. They show the name to Tio, who's so angry he seems to be chewing his own face off. DING, DING, DING, DING, DING.

Skyler's at work, agonizing over Ted Beneke's cooked books. Ted checks in on her and makes a fuss over baby Holly, who's sitting in her little kid-carrier contraption on the floor. I'm going to consciously resist any opportunity to demonize Skyler. The fans of this show are all like Flynn a little bit, emotionally attached to Walter and angry at anybody who wants to call him on his shit. They won't need my help in finding reasons to hate Skyler. Having said that: day care, Skyler. Or at least a more comfortable spot to spend the day. Anyhoo, Skyler is still super uneasy about performing her job while knowing the records are falsified. In particular, she can't sign off on these quarterlies. Lest you -- or Ted, for that matter -- think that she's making a moral stand here, she qualifies that, if he's gonna do this, it can't be so glaring. She points out the unsupportable figures, but when Ted asks about possible ways around the problem, Skyler begs off. She won't tell him how to commit fraud more skillfully; she'll just sign off on it once it comes back and is "less glaring." It's a completely arbitrary line in the sand, and it totally weakens her position when dealing with Walt. I understand why (meth is scarier than tax fraud, for one; and it puts their family in more immediate danger), but I can't deny that she's being a hypocrite. She knows it too.

Before Ted leaves, Skyler asks him, "What if your kids found out? How would you explain it to them?" Ted gives the usual explanation: feet of clay; everything he did, he did for them. "Truth is, I haven't thought that far ahead," he says. "Just trying to keep my head above water." Skyler takes it all in, but she's annoyed anew when she gets a call from Walt, telling her that Flynn got dropped off at his place.

We switch to Walt's POV, who bargains Skyler down to him dropping Flynn off at home, rather than at Beneke. Flynn continues to beg Walt -- anyone, really -- to tell him why this is all going on. Walter can't. Not without giving himself away. Flynn tells him that everyone -- Hank, Marie included -- "knows you didn't do anything wrong. Everybody's on your side." Which is, of course, great for Walt. He gets to be the martyr while Skyler is the bitch. He lays some empty platitudes on Flynn about how they're going to put the kids first, which shuts the kid up, even if it doesn't answer a blessed thing. Then Walt heads to the bathroom to spruce up, as if his Listerine-scented breath would give Skyler such sensory overload that she'll totally forget meth.

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Breaking Bad




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