Breaking Bad
Caballo Sin Nombre

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
There Ain't No One For to Give You No Pain
cy Lawyerin' Conference Room, Saul is joined by Jesse's parents and their Very Professional Lawyer. Jesse's mom recognizes Saul as "that lawyer on late-night television," and Saul gleefully repeats his catchphrase. Pro Lawyer is impatient to get to the point so Saul does: His client (anonymous, but "for these purposes, picture him as a giant bag of money") wants to purchase the Pinkman's house. Today. For cash. Pro Lawyer couldn't be more dismissive in suggesting Saul get on with it. Saul lays out his paperwork and says there's only "one hair in the soup." The price. The Pinkmans are asking for $875,000, but they're willing to haggle. Saul offers 400 grand. Pro Lawyer thinks it's a joke and suggests Saul just get to the number he's willing to bargain up to. Saul says $400k is his final offer. The Pinkmans, understandably, get up from the table. "How could you possibly think that we would entertain this?" Pro Lawyer lectures. "I don't know," Saul says, calm as can be. "I just thought some allowance was in order once I heard about the meth lab. The one that used to be in the basement." Saul doesn't see any disclosure of said lab in the Pinkmans' paperwork. So, again, the formerly righteous are being brought low by sins of omission. And Saul's practically gleeful in telling them that some would consider their omission "fraud in the service of concealing a felony." With a smile, he threatens to bog down the sale with legal proceedings, at best; file criminal charges at worst. Or else they can take the $400k he's offering. "How 'bout it, Counselor?" Saul asks the man who until a minute ago had been glaring down his nose at him. "Do you concur?"

Walt pulls into his erstwhile driveway with Flynn and a, frankly, gigantic pizza box. Like Skyler's going to be impressed by his largesse, or something. Skyler answers the door but won't accept the pizza, covered as it is with strings. Flynn sulks past his mother in the doorway without a word, while Walt tries to sell Skyler on the virtues of next-day pizza and civil conversation. She's not having it. They've discussed everything they're going to discuss, and he needs to go. "...I got dipping sticks," is Walt's last-ditch effort. And a noble one, I must say. There aren't many circumstances I could see myself turning down dipping sticks. Skyler does.

Rebuffed, Walt trudges back to his car, angrier by the step, and ultimately snaps and tosses the pizza box into the air. Which is when the most amazing thing I have EVER seen happens. The pizza comes flying out of the box, is launched up into the roof, and lands -- face up (!) -- about two and a half feet up the roof. You couldn't do that again in 100 tries. I've made known my joy and shame at that Minute to Win It show on NBC where you basically do a bunch of stoner parlor tricks in a minute's time. What Walt did right there should be the million dollar challenge on that show. Hell, the BILLION dollar challenge. Nobody's ever going to do it. If Skyler had seen Walt do that with her own two eyes, she'd start smoking meth and giving Walt a handsie right then and there. Alas, you kind of had to be there, and she wasn't. Walt drives off with the pizza lying accusatorily on the roof.

The next morning, Walt wakes up on the floor of his apartment, face-down in a pile of popcorn. Wild man. He peers across the room, where he can see the teddy-bear's eye that is still under his bed. The phone rings and goes to the machine, and -- because we live in TV land, where voice mail is still audible as it's being recorded -- we hear Skyler yell at Walt about finding the pizza on the roof. She tells him to pull it together or she's going to have to get a restraining order. At "restraining order," Walt leaps up (banging his head on the table) and grabs the phone, but Skyler's already hung up. He has a mini-freakout, even attempting to grab his crotch and sneer "restrain this!" but none of it really works for him. He's still the nerdy chem professor, even after a year of meth-dealing wickedness.

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Breaking Bad

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