After the break, we see Skyler and Junior paying a visit to Hank, sharing some frozen yogurt with the poor neck-braced bastard. It's been a couple days since the crash. There's some funny, relaxed banter about the merits of frozen yogurt that really lands the idea that this could be a very normal, warm-hearted family if it weren't submerged into this dark, horrible drug story. The reason for that submergement shows up to pay his respects to Hank. Hank calls Walt "Mister Magoo" -- he's genial but there's a weary edge to his voice, like once again Walt's fraying personality fucked things up for him. Walt's face, by the way, is the Aztek of Season 4, constantly getting busted and re-busted. Walt apologizes for the car crash, saying the guy came out of nowhere. Hank plainly says no, he didn't, but is kind enough to chalk the whole event up to a "brain fart." Marie chimes in that, more importantly their "Hardy Boys routine" is over -- no more stakeouts. Junior pipes up that he'll take Hank on stakeouts, and Skyler's like, "Uh, no you won't." Hank says it's fine, since he broke down and ordered himself a "gimp-mobile." A car with hand-controls so he can drive himself around and "stop being such a damn burden to everyone." Aw, Hank. Skyler gets a phone call and retires to the living room, where there are even purple books on the shelves! Oh my God, Marie's design psychosis is so appealing to me. It's Saul on the phone, and of course Skyler can't talk, but she can listen. Saul says he's checked out Ted -- he neither owns a gun nor a panic button, so they're good to go. Ominous! Skyler says she doesn't want anyone hurt (!), but Saul assures her he has his "A Team" on it.
Saul's "A Team" consists of big, pointy-headed Huell and the fake EPA guy from the Bogdan shakedown. They arrive at Ted's door and let themselves in, and EPA Fraud announces to Ted that their job right now is to do their best to keep Huell happy. What would make him unhappy? If Ted doesn't do what he's told. And what's he being told? Well, to find his checkbook, for one thing. EPA Fraud tells him to write a check for $617,226.31, and Ted lies and says he doesn't have it, but they know better. When EPA Fraud tells him to make the check payable to the IRS, Ted connects the dots. He tries to say that Skyler is a dear friend of his and that she'd never do this. EPA Fraud is like, "No, YOU'RE misunderstanding, now SIT DOWN AND WRITE." Ted does, making Huell reasonably happy. EPA Fraud then tells Ted to fill out the UPS paperwork, then announces his intention to take the check down to UPS while Huell waits here with Ted. And then the three of them will wait another couple of days until the check clears. ...Okay, this seems like less fun for Ted. Still, EPA Fraud is being fairly good-humored about this whole situation. But Ted isn't even going to give it enough time for Stockholm Syndrome to set in, because he bolts. He sprints for the door, tripping on that damned rug, and flying head-first into a table, knocking some oranges from a bowl onto his back. EPA Fraud and Huell look at each other like "...So that happened." The angle of Ted's body suggests a possible broken neck, but his little finger is still twitching, so I guess that counts as a gray area? Still: Ted Beneke got fucked again.













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