Breaking Bad
Live Free or Die

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Joe R: B+ | 9 USERS: A+
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Magnets, Yo

To the junkyard! Walt, Mike, and Jesse are meeting with Old Joe, who we last saw back in Season 3 when Hank had Walt and Jesse cornered in the RV, and who is played by supreme Hey! It's That Guy! Larry Hankin, who's been everyone from Fake Kramer on Seinfeld to Mr. Heckles on Friends to the police officer who incredulously asks a frantic Catherine O'Hara, "You want us to go to your house ... just to check on him?" in Home Alone. The men observe the giant crane with the giant magnet move a regular-sized car across the lot and haggle about how much it would be worth it to Old Joe to let them take it off his hands. Walt first wants to know if it's "feasible." Old Joe takes a minute, then muses, "We're living in a time of string theories and god particles," (TIMELY!) so who knows what is and isn't feasible. The idea is to place it in a U-Haul-type truck, drive it up to the evidence facility, and ... you know, let it magnet things. Joe invites the men to step into his office to talk money. Walt kind of quietly pulls Jesse aside and says he doesn't exactly have money right now ("My wife...it's an IRS issue"), so Jesse spots Walt his share. Now Mike REALLY doesn't get Jesse's insane loyalty to this man. He once again takes the opportunity to tell Jesse to take that money and skip town. Jesse makes sure Mike knows that this is a three-man job, and they can't do it without him. Mike is dubious as fuck, but you know he won't leave Jesse.

In her office at the car wash, Skyler is reading up on the Gus Fring story online when Saul stops by. She actually says, "Ugh" when she sees him. Obviously, she had told him before never to meet her here at work. He had to, of course, because ... the police may call. Saul then gingerly broaches the subject of Ted Beneke. And in the history of the universe, nothing good has ever come from a conversation with OR about Ted Beneke. Saul tells Skyler that her example, should the cops come calling is Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes: she knows nothing, she sees nothing. Why? Well, because there was an "incident," an "act of God," with Ted. Basically, "we've got a problem." Skyler jumps to the conclusion that Ted's dead, baby. Ted's dead. That's okay, Skyler, the audience was led to believe the same thing. But he's not dead. In fact, he just woke up.

Back to the junkyard, where the gang has piled a fuckload of batteries into the back of the U-Haul to power the giant magnet. Old Joe is being quite thorough in making sure the guys don't have anything metal on them that could be ripped from their person. Watches, necklaces, earrings, rings. He asks Jesse specifically if he's got a cock ring to remove. I'll check preserve my dignity, thanks. Oh, what about credit cards, Joe asks. They wouldn't want to have those out of commission when Miller Time comes later. Mike finally pipes up and says he can see a lot of outcomes of what they're about to try, but none of them involve "Miller Time." Positive mental attitude, says Old Joe! When it comes time to test, Jesse grabs a dummy Dell (which apparently was just lying around) and stands 40 feet from the side of truck. Old Joe hands Walt this GIANT dial, and Walt turns the magnet on and pushes the dial up. The magnet clamps to the inside wall of truck, pushing the truck to the side a bit. Jesse reports that the laptop still functioning fine, though, so Walt tells him to start walking towards truck slowly. After a couple steps, the screen pixels out before shutting the computer down entirely. "Yeah!" Jesse yells, "That did it!" Suddenly, Dell goes FLYING out of Jesse's hands and smashes into the side of the truck. Jesse waits a bit, then: "YEAH, BITCH! MAGNETS!" Walt turns to Joe and asks if he can take the 21 car batteries they used for this test and add 21 more. Just to be safe. Mike, never one to let Walt have a moment, muses that if everything goes flying in that evidence room, it will make a lot of noise. There goes the element of surprise. Walt says no matter; after 60 seconds, they'll be gone anyway.

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Breaking Bad

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