Hoooooly crap. So, in ascending order of jaw-droppiness:
Skyler faces a week's worth of disappointment when, first, Junior isn't able to successfully fake being happy at her birthday gift of a PT Cruiser (oh, Skyler!), and then when her scheme to use Saul to front Ted Beneke some of her drug money so he can pay his back taxes (through a ruse involving imaginary Luxembourgian aunts), Ted reverts to crappy form by using the money to buy himself a Mercedes. Skyler heads down to Beneke to straighten some shit out, and when Ted persists in his intention to use this found money to re-start his business rather than pay the IRS, Skyler lets him know where his mystery cash really came from.
Meanwhile, Junior finds his father bloodied and looped on painkillers and booze the morning after Walt's big fight with Jesse. A woozy Walt finally allows himself a vulnerable moment, as he explains that the fight he got into was all his fault and he made a mistake. He doesn't tell Junior any of the particulars about the fight (in fact, he lies and says it was about his gambling), but he does call Junior "Jesse" at one point, which should be enough to touch even the most hardened Walt-hater's heart. The next morning, he's back to gruff, secretive Walt, and he tells Junior that loopy and vulnerable is not how he wants his son to remember him. Junior tells him that actually wouldn't be that bad of a way to remember him. Better than the angry shell of a man he's been this past year.
And then there's Mexico. Gus, Mike, and Jesse are taken to the cartel's facility, where Jesse is momentarily thrown when the cartel op calls for more chemistry know-how than he's able to provide. But when the cartel's house chemist challenges him, Jesse is able to harness his greatest attribute: bravado. He tells the house chemist in no uncertain terms that he is Jesse's bitch and his operation is filthy and full of contaminants. He orders the whole place scrubbed, and the proof is in the 96+% pure meth he produces on the first batch. Great news! The delegate/sniper guy then tells Jesse that he will now be staying on as the cartel's in-house cook. Less than great news!
Later, as Gus wallows in memories as he stands poolside at Don Eladio's villa, Mike assures Jesse that either they're all leaving Mexico together or none of them will. How will that scenario present itself? Well, after introducing Jesse to the still-condescending Eladio, Gus gifts the man with a fancy bottle of tequila. Eladio is elated and pours shots for everyone -- though Gus tells him that Jesse, as an addict, can't drink. Everyone else does, though -- Gus first, even. Of course, Eladio doesn't know that Gus previously downed some mystery pills, and that, combined with some bulimia action in the bathroom is the reason why, when Eladio and all his capos suddenly drop dead, Gus remains only mostly dead. After summoning all his rage to call to Eladio's remaining servants/guards that they have no one left to fight for and should instead scavenge the corpses for valuables and then disperse, Gus needs to be dragged out to a car by Mike and Jesse. There, they come under fire from the last Eladio loyalist. Mike is struck either by a stray bullet or shrapnel from the driver's side window, so Jesse is left to gun down the assailant on his own, which he does. So with Gus dying in the back seat and Mike bleeding in the front, Jesse prepares to end the weirdest spring break he's ever had.
Previously: Gus saw his Pollo Hermano Max murdered in front of him by Don Eladio and his men. Skyler was considering using her laundry bags full of cash to bail out Ted Beneke (and thus keep her name off the government's radar). Gus asked Jesse to help him in his peace agreement with the cartel by going to Mexico and teaching them how to cook the blue meth. And when Jesse told Walt this, it led to a huge brawl, after which Jesse said he never wanted to see Walter again.
We open out in the desert, as three men wait in silence. Gus, Mike and poor bewildered Jesse. Gus holds a sizeable package with a purple bow on it. Probably too much to hope that bow means Marie has something to do with all this. Single-engine plane lands in the middle of nowhere, and the men board. Jesse looks nervous as fuck, as he should on a plane that size. In the air, Gus can see it on Jesse's face, so he says the nicest thing I have ever seen him say: "You can do this." Hilariously, he looks over to Mike, whose face reads, "Ehhhhh, we'll see."
The phone rings at Walt's apartment, but he doesn't answer. Broken glasses and bloody napkins sit on his counter. On the voice mail, Skyler says she waited this long, she wanted to do this together, but she's going to go ahead with it. Something shady? Something with the money? No, just time to spring Junior's birthday present on him. After a ruse to get him outside, Skyler ta-das as Junior spots the PT Cruiser in the driveway. His voice says, "Thanks, Mom," but his face says, "Those balloons tied to the windshield wipers make it very unlikely that she's talking about another car. "Pretty slick, huh?" Skyler asks. She says she did a lot of research, and this one is really roomy -- so he can carpool with all his friends -- and also features a CD player! Oh, Skyler. She asks if he'd like to take it for a spin. Junior says he's really hungry right now; maybe later? OUCH.
Saul sits in his office with his head on his desk: this is a bad idea. He's fretting hardcore, and we soon see why, as his secretary sends in Ted Beneke. Don't worry, Saul, that sense of dread happens whenever anyone has to see Ted. Ted's not sure why he's here -- haven't we all wondered that? But Saul says he regretfully has to deliver some bad news: Ted's Great Aunt Birgit has passed away. You know, the one in Luxembourg. Ted has never heard of her and can't really believe that she'd name him in his will. But when Saul gets to the part about her leaving him an estate of $621,552.33, Ted gets a whole lot less skeptical. Chump.