Bridezillas
Angela & Shelayna

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The Bridezilla Who Wasn't

Welcome to the world's most uncomfortable wedding shower. It's being thrown for the couple by Shelayna's co-workers, and unfortunately, Bart is late -- so much so that they had to start without him. In an interview, she's aggravated, but also not surprised. She seems more embarrassed than anything. He shows up after working all night, and she's fit to be tied and snapping at him. Oh, excuse me, I mean she's in a briiiiiiiiiiiidezilla mood. She whines at the group to see if anyone will sit with her. The response is some resounding crickets. Eventually someone must have pitied her, because the table is then full with the couple and a few co-workers. This is a good time, then, for her to give Bart a ton of shit about where he was, and then to snipe at him that she'd better not go into labor when something goes wrong at his work. Way to compare your child's birth to a cheesy party for people I'm not sure like you very much, Whiny. When she tries to eat her corn on the cob with a plastic knife and fork, he snaps and starts barking at her to eat it with her hands. There's been a lot of debate about this point, but I really got the impression that she usually did just eat corn with her hands like a normal person and he was just sick of watching her act (her version of) high and mighty. After lunch, she seems to be in a better mood and has the wishbone that someone left for her. They close their eyes and pull, and the bone cracks but doesn't fully break, so Bart reaches over and snaps it completely off. She's now mad at him, leading me to believe that she doesn't have any idea what one actually does with a wishbone, and that this is normally the way it goes, especially if it really just came out of the bird and is kind of soggy. Bart got the bigger piece, his wish will come true, which at this point might be just what she tells him: "This marriage will be doomed...'cause you messed up the wishbone." My sympathy for him is short-lived when he makes toilet paper and sex jokes while opening gifts. Classy. However, I still can't believe what comes next.

Shelayna's boss, Richard, holds up a plastic glass of champagne to make a toast. And I quote: "Shelayna, you know we love you. And you keep trying to convince us that this is what you want, so we are trying to figure out a way... [blah blah blah mumble mumble] May this be the best marriage you ever had. And..." At this point, Shelayna, obviously uncomfortable, chimes in, "And the only one!" She seems a little bit surprised, and I certainly don't blame her, and Richard clinks his plastic cup against hers. I don't even know what cracks to make about this. But dude, no one asked you to throw a party -- if you feel strongly enough to humiliate the couple in front of everyone else, then you should have just brought a cake into the breakroom the day before she took time off like every other company in America. To their credit, the co-workers seem kind of uncomfortable too. Working for this company must be a barrel of laughs. Bart actually acts like a gentleman and sincerely thanks everyone for the party, rather than punching Richard in the nose. Of course he then quickly makes a bad joke as well, once again lessening my good will. Everyone packs up to leave and Shelayna starts griping at him again about being late and making crass jokes, but she also has obviously dealt with both of these things numerous times before.

One week before Angela's wedding, she and John are working on the seating chart. They both look stressed but not unduly so, as this is probably one of the least fun tasks of any wedding. She says it's a chore, and she's not wrong. John's problem is that Greeks will show up even when they haven't RSVPed. If it's that cultural that you feel like you can't just shut them out, just throw some empty tables in the back, dude. Done! I should have been a wedding planner. Mindy tells us that his patience quickly wears thin, but he just seems the most annoyed that he can't read his own handwriting. They muddle through the chore with Angela smiling, and he says that all he cares about is that everyone has a seat at dinner. The editors cut badly from her starting to reply to an interview bite where she says that she is anal-retentive. I don't believe for a second that quote had to do with making the seating chart. And she still looks too cheerful.

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Bridezillas

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