Kris' future MIL has just arrived "from the Deep South," wherever that is. Her dress for the wedding is bright fucking white, which...dude, how fucking dumb do you have to be to do that? I mean, I'm sure she's nice or whatever (she never says a word during this episode), but what the fuck? I'm not trying to be all "It's Kristina's day, she's the bride, whatever she wants, etc.," but seriously? What, are you simple, lady? What a fool. Kris: "I just saw Rob's mom's dress, and it looks like mine." She looks like she wants to drink blood, seriously. But I'm not going to hold that against her. That really is some bullshit.
Coming up: a revelation from Rob that could derail the wedding! Except...not so much. Shut up, Bridezillas.
It's time for Calisse's bridal shower. She's worried that there's no refreshments or snacks because her mom juiced and thought it started at two o'clock instead of noon. But, she shows up, and everything looks...fine. Except all of the furniture is covered in plastic, which I've never understood. Don't you buy furniture to be equally nice-looking and comfortable? Wouldn't you at least take the plastic off for a bridal shower? Or would that completely defeat the purpose? Whatever. During the shower, her friends are all having a blast playing a game, but Calisse keeps shushing them to talk on the phone, which is annoying. Just have fun at your shower! But, she can't, because she has to bust the party up to go pick out centerpieces for the reception. You couldn't do that another time, Calisse? Weak. She starts yelling at everyone to hurry up, because it seems she needs them all to come with her for some reason. So, Calisse gets to the wedding coordinator's office to make a decision, with her entire family. She says the word "gold" about forty times, and then she calls her sister, Keniqua, who's late and won't reveal where she is, which gets Calisse annoyed. Whatever, dude. This is boring! Calisse goes on for another five minutes about how annoyed she is. Nobody seems to care much, including myself. "I don't care if my sister thinks I'm a Bridezilla. She's gonna be there regardless of whether I'm a Bridezilla or not a Bridezilla." Dude, say "Bridezilla" again. "I don't think I'm a Bridezilla." Thanks. So, now that choosing the centerpieces and bitching out her sister has taken up so much time, Calisse is late for the bachelorette party. She just hopes that everyone is "competent" enough to pull it off. What? Shut up, Calisse.