Kristina & Calisse

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: C- | Grade It Now!

"Arrrgh!" "Maybe if you fucking do it right, it wouldn't be a problem!" "Dammit!" "Just leave me alone." "Move, move, move!" "Your feet are like Flinstone feet." "I can't believe you guys were late." "If you trip, I will beat your ass." "Brides do not do anything wrong, ever." Man, oh man. I do hate this show.

"Round one begins with the seating charts." Does it, Mindy? Is that where it begins? Because I thought it started with "shut the fuck up." M'Zill interviews that she and Kristina got into a little tiff, "because Kristina seems to have invited too many people." Which is total bullshit, because she's only invited about two tables' worth of people, while M'Zill has invited about eighty that Kristina's never even laid eyes on. B'Zill Interviews that there are twenty three tables at the reception. I can't believe M'Zill would even have the ordacity to imply that her daughter had invited too many. Yech. What a dick. Again, the "My wedding / Our wedding" argument. "Mom, someone says 'hi' to you and you invite them." "No, they're my friends."

Kris, honey? Just elope. Please. Because, your mom has now started to pick on Rob for inviting fifteen people. "It's not Rob's wedding." What-what-WHAT?!?!?! This bitch is out of her fucking mind, dude. Who are these people? M'Zill: "Why do you think it's your wedding?" Because she's the one getting married, dickhead! Geh! What I don't understand is that Kris then calls Rob to tell him that they have to pay for the extra twenty people because M'Zill refuses to admit her own mistake. I have to say, if I were in this position, I'd be a 'Zill of some kind, too, having to deal with that woman. Her existence is enough to ruin many days for people who know her, I'm sure. Fuck her. Anyway, Rob is understandably pissed: "So, you just said 'fuck his friends,' right?" Yeah, basically, dude. Sorry your future wife has no spine.

After the commercial, Kris's sisters get their nails done while she berates them the entire time. Yay! ...Boo.

Um, She House Las Vegas? No. The whole WE Network can eat a bag of dicks, as far as I'm concerned. Too far? Sorry. Except...

We're back, and finally we have a black bride-to-be who isn't introduced with knock-off 50 Cent beats. The music still blows, but whatevs. "27-year-old Calisse Latta is sharp and sassy." 'Kay. "I'm an executive assistant, and I live in San Dimas, California. I met my fiance in Junior High School, and even then I thought he was really handsome." Deandre (the fiancée): "When she smiles, she just lights up the room." She is pretty. And, she proposed to him, which, according the fucking Factzillas (hate), happens only 1% of the time. Deandre: "She's headstrong and don't want to get on her bad side." Mindy states that Calisse has "always wanted a regal wedding." Calisse: "As long as I'm poofy and fluffy and walking down that aisle with bouncing curls...that's all I want." ...Great, then.

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