Kristina & Calisse

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: C- | Grade It Now!

Finally, it's time for the wedding. There are pictures at Casa Kristina, and future MIL looks like the actual bride-to-be, probably because her dress is properly fitted. Anyway, there's champagne in the limo, and all the girls let out a hearty "Woooo!" once the cork is popped.

Meanwhile, Rob is "tossing back some brewskies with his buddies." "Brewskies," Mindy? Rock! Rob: "Gettin' married in half-hour. Kinda nervous. We got four families coming together for this, and I think it's gonna go off without a hitch." Alright, dude. Good luck.

In the dressing room, Kristina's just realized that she has forgotten Rob's ring at home, despite the fact that they even went back once in the limo already for something else they forgot. Chet, being the annoying attention hog that she is, starts blubbering and stammering: "Are you joking? How in the world could you forget his ring? We went back!" Of course, when M'Zill hears the news, she almost faints. Jesus, what is with this family and the theatrics? It's not such a big fucking deal! Nobody's close enough to see the fucking thing, just borrow someone else's until you get yours on there. I don't see what the BFD is. Even Kristina's all, "You need to re. Lax." For once, I agree. Shut up, Chet! Despite the fact that she tells Kristina not to tell Rob, Chet immediately runs out and does so herself. Rob doesn't even care, because apparently, he has a spare in his car outside. Oh, sweet, that's awes...wait, huh? Why? Dude, you people are fucking weirdos. Can we do this already, please?

Yes? Because, seriously, no more. It's aisle time. Rob: "Game faces, baby." ...Yeah, totally. Sun's out, guns out, broham. One of the sisters is totally hyperventilating, for reasons unknown. Chet coaches her through it, and they're off. And, of course, Kristina's crying without crying. The sobs are there, but there's nary a tear in sight. The sight of her and her mom makes me want to carpet-bomb...her and her mom (who looks totes fugs in her shitty fucking dress).

Finally, the service begins, but Kristina and her sisters want to read a poem about their dead father. Wait, dead father? Oh, man. No wonder! They all blubber their way through it, and I guess I won't make fun, because...dead father. I will say this though: I know a few people who, when they act like dicks, like to blame it on their dead parent, and that pisses me off to no end. Now, I'm not saying you don't get a little leeway for that first little while. I'm not even saying that it's something you ever get over, because it's totally not. But constantly invoking the memory of a dead relative to justify acting like a self-entitled asshole is just not cool. Do you think your mother / father / grandma / whoever would want you acting like a jerk in their honor? No? Then, shut your mouth and grow up, already. Sorry. Kind of off-topic, there. It's not like Kristina and her sisters have been bringing up their father. I mean, this is the first I've heard of him. I'm just saying.

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