After hitting the bouncer in the face with a water bottle, she gets into the club (um, how?). She screams for about an hour about how much she wants to get onstage, and then when they call her name she acts all surprised and scandalized. She gets up there, and some dude who looks like Johnny Drama in a police uniform starts grinding his crotch on her face. We get a very interesting side-boob shot of Narbo at this moment. Then she calls Rich to tell him all about it, and on the table next to her we can see quite plainly the gigantic erection-shaped drinking mechanism she's been holding all night. Hey, editors. Way to blur! Psych! First the cock-straw, and now this? Man, I could totally do your job. Shit ain't hard. Anyway, Narbo then tells Rich that she's going to molest every man she sees (shudder), and that he should "fuck whoever" he wants, because this is "our night!" Woo! After this, she extends a very drunken open invitation to Oprah to appear at the wedding, not realizing that she is not only not on live television, but that Oprah probably doesn't watch anything except Oprah. She then tells the crew to "fuck off," gets in her limo, and goes home. Can we just do this thing already? I'm tired.
Sweet. It's the wedding day, and I couldn't be happier, because I'm now only about five minutes away from never having to look at Malia Rivera's stupid face ever again. As a TWoP employee, I'm required to wash my hands before returning to work, and that's just what I'm going to do.
Narbo has risen. Well, she's awake at least, and lying on the couch, nursing a hangover. I hope it hurts. "I think I could puke if I tried." That's nice. She doesn't think she's going to fit into her dress after having ten Cosmopolitans at a thousand calories each last night. Hmm, yeah, that's not totally accurate. It's about the same as having ten beers. I'm sure she got fucked up, because she's half my size and I can't really put away ten beers without it making a bit of a dent in my sobriety. But I think her caloric concerns are a little exaggerated.
Meaghan, the hair-stylist, arrives, and Narbo instantly perks up. Her day has begun. The dress arrives and she puts it on, still worried that it won't fit. "Even if I only put on two pounds, that a lot for someone who's only 110 pounds." Pardon? "Well, maybe not exactly 110 pounds." Yeah, didn't think so. She starts sucking on a Bloody Mary during her makeup session, and she interviews that she's already feeling "tipsy." Hey, start the day right, I always say. I have to say, that Bloody looks pretty damn tasty. I can see the horseradish chunks, always a good sign. Narb says that she's so excited that she could piss her pants, and her mom offers to lend her one of her Depends, which is kind of funny.