Malia & Dana

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: C- | Grade It Now!
Pump Up The Glam

And we're back with Narbo! She's getting the final fitting of her gown done, and she turns to the camera and says, "It's couture." I highly doubt that. I saw Project Runway this week, and if that thing is "couture," I'll eat my hat. If you even know what couture means, I'll eat my hat. Narbo is anxious because she's been eating nervously all week, and she's afraid that the dress won't fit. Her anxiety is quickly put to rest, however, because she fits into it, and proclaims triumphantly, "I lost weight! I lost weight!" Clearly not from the chesticle area, because daaaaamn! Those bazoos are lookin' pretty, uh, large. She refers to them as "the girls." Okay, now I'm waiting for a cease-and-desist letter from 1999, because Narbo begins talking about the "bling" on her toes. Anyway, after promising her "couture" dressmaker that she won't lose any more weight, she's off to get her hair and makeup done. "Celebrity-style," of course.

Narbo's makeup lady works on the set of Suite Life of Zach and Cody, which Narbo is very excited about. Narbolo tells her that she wants "glam all the way." Mindy: "Malia's makeup artist has to prove her worth by providing a list of stars with whom she's worked." Please. That can't be true. Again, Narbo starts going down the list of all of her "celebrity" vendors so that she can get her free stuff, and I'm really annoyed now. The word "celebrity" has lost all meaning because she says it so much. What really gets me is, if Narbo really thinks this is just a "sizzle reel," why is she going to all the trouble of mentioning her vendors? Methinks someone is not such a truth-teller... Dressy McHairdo comes back over with her list, which is huge, and the name Narb picks out is "President George Bush, Sr." There wasn't anyone else of note on there? Forget it, dude. She gets her makeup done, and looks...about the same. There's no such thing as makeup for the soul. Good thing, too, because if you had some, what would you put it on? Oooh, burn! I am the insult master!

Now, on to the hair, which is done by none other than Meagan, who did hair for American Idol one day. And by that, I'm pretty sure Narbo means that she does hair, and she watches Idol sometimes while she does it. She also pronounces it "Maygin," which makes me sad. "The same person who touches Taylor Hicks's hair, and Katherine McPhee's hair, and Clay Aiken's hair [squeal], was just touching my hair!" So, you're basically, like, a total Idol mega-superstar now! Shut your face. Your extensions suck.

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