Regina & LyDee

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: C | Grade It Now!
She's Not Heavy, She's Regina

So, it's time for rehearsal number one with LyDee and Irvin. That's right: LyDee seems to think she needs two rehearsals, and she may be right. If the attendance for this is anything like her bachelorette party, she's in trouble. LyDee is wearing one of the most unfortunate sweaters I have ever seen, tucked into sausage-casing jeans, no less. While wearing a belt buckle the size of her head. Yikes. That hurts. I also have my cable box set to stretch the image to fit my widescreen, which is not helping matters. Sheesh. Anyhoo... "I'm feeling a little stressed and a little overwhelmed right now. Everyone was supposed to be here at 7:00. It's now 7:44." Totally understandable, LyDee. I would be way more pissed than she is at the moment. I loathe lateness, and would have a boot up everybody's ass. What follows is just bad editing (naturally), with shots of LyDee trying to get everyone to follow simple directions. She gets frustrated because nobody does what she says, and I can't blame her. That sucks. "The rehearsal was very rocky. I told them to walk slow, they walked fast. Everybody was in their own little world." Word. LyDee (to everyone): "There's no dinner tonight. If you came expecting dinner, it's only on Saturday." I wonder if people were even giving her shit for that. They didn't show it if they were.

Crap. Regina's at Father Fehren's, and she's still wearing that pink jacket that she got at Hot Topic. She and Monica are thirty minutes late, but the priest is okay with it. He didn't really have any other plans, it seems. Before they get to his apartment, Regina does this little karate chop in the elevator door to trip the sensor, and there's something about the way she does it that is so sad, so desperate, that for a moment I feel really bad for her. She clearly doesn't know what an asshole she is, and she has to live the rest of her life like that. She has to have this big, elaborate wedding because it's the pinnacle of her life. Everything else is downhill from here. She has to compensate for her sad existence somehow, so it may as well be this lavish event. But still. Fuck her.

Anyway, Regina wants to have "Ave Maria" sung (gag), and while that's going on, she wants offer flowers to a statue of the Virgin Mary, "because in our culture, that's what we do." Like, way to condescend, cocknose. "We have to go very slowly because of Domingos'seses English." Father Fehren: "Yeah, got it. Next." Regina: "Can I have you there an hour early, Father?" At this he makes an exasperated face that's kind of classic. "Fine. Whatever." Word. Take the money and run, dude. "As long as you get me a drink." Heh. Regina starts freaking out about the car service that's going to pick the priest up the day of, and she's all "if they sound incompetent, I want to send someone I know." He's already asleep, though. I hate this chick.

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