She takes Kevin aside and "lays down her law." "I don't want there to be any fucking strippers. I don't want you to be fucking late. This is my day. No fucking around." Kevin seems to understand...what an asshole this chick is. This whole scene looked completely staged to me, like she wanted to give the crew what they wanted. Lame. What a narbo. Oh, yes. I went there.

Over with Rhyan and Onur...who, honestly, can we just wrap this shit up already? They are really boring. I mean Sofa King boring. Whatever. They're at the restaurant for their "reception," and Rhyan really wants to see the cake. The staff at the restaurant keep trying to prevent her from going back to see it, which makes it so obvious that it's fucked up somehow. Which it totally is. One side of it is all bashed in, and Rhyan gets upset, and rightfully so, I say. I mean, you pay for a specialty item like a wedding cake, you expect it to not be bashed to shit, you feel me? "Our Bridezilla is ready to launch a full-scale assault!" Really, Mindy? Because it looks to me like she's just calling the bakery to see if someone can come and fix it. She actually seems pretty calm, considering. I mean, she's talking a lot of shit, but she doesn't seem like she's about to go off the deep end. "Hell yeah, I'm pissed off." I'd be livid, truth be told. The cake people come down and avert the crisis by doing emergency surgery on the thing, and that's another three minutes down the drain.

"With the cake drama over, Onur and Rhyan can finally enjoy their reception." Which, thank God, because I can't take much more, man. The best man and maid of honor both make speeches, and there are congratulations all around. It looks like a very pleasant and unexciting time. The two dance while Rhyan interviews, "I'm glad that it's all over. I hope Onur still loves me after this." Okay, whatevs, dude. You're boring, but you're not a Bridezilla.

Next week...yup, Malia's still crazily obsessed with "celebrity"/"movie star" everything. It looks like she's gonna get wasted at her bachelorette party and dance rather suggestively with a total stranger. We'll also meet Dana, who looks like she's gonna be a pretty satisfying test case. I'm actually kind of psyched for her. Kind of.

Lates!