Rhyan & Malia

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Rhyan's Hoarf

Time for more Rhyan, whose bachelorette party is tonight. Sweet! Let's get wasted! "This Bridezilla is ready to do what she does best: party!" Word, Mindy. Let's do this! And she does. What follows is a montage of Rhyan getting more and more drunk, saying things like "I'm sooooo wasted right now!" She's all covered with stupid bride-type shit, and says "I'm, like, double-fistin' it right now" before she decides it would be a good idea to go and grind against the DJ. Don't worry, he didn't seem to mind too much. Before you know it, Levitica has returned, and she's itchin' for more booze. She starts doing shots, and it's all downhill from there. Rhyan interviews, "I was definitely not acting like a lady, that's for sure." I should think not, because this is immediately followed by the most rank puking sounds I've ever heard. It sounds like when the Alien tears out of that dude's chest. It's all bubbly-sounding, and the splatter drives it home. At least the "new production crew" has better shotgun mics, we can all be sure of that much. Yech. Levitica hurls us into another commercial break, as one her friends interjects that "I knew we got her too drunk." Yeah, dude. Do ya think? But seriously? Least boring part of the episode. That was some good chundering. Way to go, Levitica.

We're back, and Onur is lurking around the apartment with a very hungover Rhyan telling him, essentially, to fuck off. Nice. Wedding. Day. "I only got three hours of sleep." Hmm. She's also pissed that Onur wasn't home on time from his bachelor party. You know what that means! Yeah, Onur! Fives up high, bro! ... I'm just kidding. I don't really know what that means. I guess he got drunk and lost track of time? Wow. Way to try and create drama, Bridezillas.

Rhyan "takes her sweet time" getting ready, even though Onur is already at the beach in a really cheesy tuxedo, sitting in his little VW bug. "She is late." Yeah, well. He keeps trying to call, and Rhyan keeps hanging up on him. Again, it's the same shit, over and over again. Who cares about this? It's not like they even have ten people at the entire wedding. "Onur needs to know where I'm at at all times, and it kind of drives him a little bit nutty." Well, dude, on your wedding day, I think you could afford him the courtesy of letting him fucking know for a change. He's been standing there, we're led to believe, for over an hour and a half, so what the fuck? Just let him know you're on your way! Damn!

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