Bridezillas
Shelayna & Ladessia

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Nothing Says Marriage Like A White Pimp Hat
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I can just see what one show executive said to another: "I know what would be a great idea. Let's save some money by using the very same intro and establishing shots of Shelayna's house as we did last time. That 'howdy' sign was really cute. Also, I'm not sure that the fifty previous uses of this single shot of Bart roping his hay bale really convinced people that he's a cowboy. Let's stick that in again." Mindy re-introduces Bart and Shelayna and tells us everything we've already heard about how in love they are. He repeats the "button in the cap of kindness," because I guess it wasn't enough to not understand what the hell that means the first time we saw it. The one new thing they show is a portrait of the two of them looking down at a rose, both dressed in all black. Shelayna's eyes are downcast and Bart's face is covered by his cowboy hat. It's a really nice picture of the two of them. He thinks she's perfect, he's what she was looking for, and she was caught totally unawares when he proposed to her when she got out of the shower one night. (Drink! Mock shove.) "Though the proposal is a sweet memory, it's a sure bet the wedding won't be." Shelayna says the budget started at $10K, and as of now she's hoping that they don't spend over $25K. She says her stress varies day by day. Bart's apparently tired of hearing Shelayna complain about how stressful it is, but she just laughs. "Now this blonde beauty from the Lone Star state has become a Texas tyrant in a frazzled state. An unbearable, unbelievable, unstoppable, briiiidezilla!" There are clips we've already seen from last week's shopping trip, mixed in with ones we haven't, like the popular bed-kicking. She points out what they all point out, that she's not spending this much to have things not be right. "To me, a bridezilla is one who wants everything perfect. And if I can't have it that way, then I don't want it. And if it's not done the way I want it, then I'm not gonna be happy." It's like all the brides read the same script.

Okay, Bart has a serious obsession with balancing things on his chin. Today, it's a knife. Blade first. Let's hope he makes it the two weeks until the wedding without becoming a Very Special Episode of ER. Mindy VOs that until this point he hasn't taken the wedding seriously, but that's going to change. He complains about the wedding coordinator being unreachable, and their apparently sucky photographer. Shelayna reads the contract and says the cancellation fee is half the package price, which would be $425. Bart can't believe that apparently they just paid $400 for eight pictures. I can't believe that they couldn't edit this scene in some sort of chronological order so that it actually makes logical sense. This is just a parade of random sound bites to get the point across. Try creating some flow, Bridezillas. She tells him that they can't cancel, but he decides to call the coordinator to complain about him. Shelayna whines that Tracy, the coordinator, doesn't know that they're unhappy, and Bart reasonably points out (I know, who knew?) that that's what he's going to tell her now. Shelayna's main concern really seems to be wanting him to not get "ugly" with the woman, and he says he won't. Later on, over a shot of Bart with chin knife in hand, Mindy says that he's livid that Tracy hasn't called back. What he appears to actually be mad about is wondering if she's done any work at all, and he says he wants an itemized list of what she's done for her fee so far. Shelayna just bites her nails and looks worried.

Some jazzier synthetic music must mean that we're meeting a new couple. Ladessia is 43 and Norman is 33. They've known each other 12 years and their romance grew from friendship. She's got four children, and he's acted like their father, and was also there for her when her sister passed away four years ago. He proposed to her after they'd dated for nine years, and asked her in church in front of the entire congregation. "It was so... " (Sweet! Incredible! Lovely!) "... Embarrassing." Well, that was not what I expected. She's been planning the wedding for six months, and talks about how she wants tons of flowers, a Cinderella dress, and her family there. I would recommend a new weave, too -- not only has her hair changed from straight to ringlets and back and forth in every clip, but now it's half-orange, half-brown and she looks unfortunately bald in front. I'm not quite sure what's going on. Norman says she keeps changing her mind. Kaye is her wedding coordinator, and says something generic about how Ladessia's going to "get it done." "Getting it done" apparently entails close bridesmaid handling. She's dumped two of them, and tells us how she's not worried about their feelings since it's her big day. She then adds that they're all supposed to be on a "diet plan" right now. I'm going to politely say that I would have excused my own self from her wedding at the moment of that suggestion. Hilariously, Norman tells her she can't do that to them, but she just says she can, since she'll be looking at these pictures forever. "I don't want to be old, with glasses, and look and see fat hanging, rolls hanging, things hanging that aren't supposed to be hanging."

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Bridezillas

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