Shelayna & Ladessia

Episode Report Card
Lauren S: C- | Grade It Now!
Nothing Says Marriage Like A White Pimp Hat

"So whether it's dealing with ballooning bridesmaids, or a ballooning budget, Ladessia is no shrinking violet. She's a hair-raising, hell-raising, briiiiidezilla." We go cliptastic. A new hairdo is added -- blonde ringlets. She's bossing around her bridesmaids and throwing her head back dramatically at some sort of news, like all briiiiidezillas do. Michelle, her maid of honor, says that Ladessia's a bridezilla because she's a control freak. Apparently if she can't run something, "It's not going to happen." See, now this has bridezilla potential. After a listing of what she wants, Ladessia smiles sweetly and says, "Right, baby?" Norman agrees, something I think he's used to. We're treated to about three minutes of clips we're going to see again in their full glory later, so I'll spare you for now.

I am boycotting this week's Factzillas because they are as dry as toast and have no bearing on any of these weddings.

Shelayna says the day started with Bart "calling and chewing out the wedding consultant." Not quite, since all he did was leave her a voicemail saying they had concerns. He just wants to know what she's done, and Shelayna talks and talks in circles until she point-blank has to say that she doesn't know what Tracy has done or even what she is supposed to do. I'd be as curious as Bart why Shelayna just wants to open up the checkbook without understanding any of that. She tells him he needs to come along to meet with them on Saturday, but he has to work. We already know how little she cares about that, so I predict he's going to be missing work that day. She says of wedding planners, "Evidently, this is how they operate." It's like they're a strange species that have only been recently studied and scientists still don't know exactly why they do all that they do. She keeps trying to close the subject by telling him that needing to work is no excuse. Apparently, this is one of those Self-Paying weddings.

Ladessia is holding a meeting with her bridesmaids, where she is standing in front of them with all of their chairs arranged in a semi-circle. This meeting is horrifying, yet fabulous. She gives them the rundown of how they need to dress for her wedding. Undergarments: "Ladies, nothing hangin', nothing swangin', nothing flapping, none of that." She doesn't want purple nail polish with silver glitter, and at this they all start laughing and she looks fiercely serious at their levity. Eventually she cracks a smile but then gets right back down to business. Her daughter raises her hand to ask if she can get a purple design, but that's out too. The recurring theme of this talk is, "Not in my wedding," which is an answer to most of the questions asked. She wants light makeup, and limits their ring-wearing to one on each hand. This seems to confuse some of them, but eventually it sinks in. My favorite guideline, though, is the hair. She wants everyone with an up-do, nothing outrageous, and actually proceeds to explain that she also does not want multiple hairstyles on a single head. It would never in a million years occur to me to specify that.

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