Oh my god, woman, just show him the dress! She takes him through a tour of the shopping process, first showing what they almost bought. This is absolutely ridiculous. He decides to start complaining about what they've chosen even though they're actually quite nice, empire-waisted lavender dresses with some detail on the bodice. (Oh wait, now that I've watched the whole thing again, it's totally not what they chose at all -- the girls are wearing two different dresses. My aching head... ) Even more confusing than the purpose of this mind-blowing outing, though, is the blurring on his jersey. It's blurred, it's not, the front is, then the back and not the front, and then the reflection in the mirror is crystal clear. And why does a Dallas 972 jersey matter anyway? Oh crap, I forgot my own Magic Rule for this show -- Don't Ask. They argue; he thinks she's being fussy, she thinks he shouldn't have a say. Which... defeats the entire purpose of this heinous outing.
Shelayna and Bart have ended up at a western store, Wild Bill's, for no apparent reason other than to give Bart some new items to balance on his chin. Mindy says, "It's hard to tell if Shelayna is shopping or babysitting." I say it's hard to tell what she could possibly be shopping for in this store that would have anything to do with the wedding, but I guess this just gives her more chances to get annoyed on-camera. There's some slo-mo, bad-news music when Bart starts flirting with a salesgirl. It seems totally in character to me that he'd start chatting with anyone that would listen like a really friendly five-year-old in his mom's shopping cart, but this way Shelayna can be mad for the cameras again. And shockingly, the salesgirl is giggling girlishly at every joke Bart delivers. I shudder to think that this shtick is really working. They leave the store and Mindy says, "For their next activity, Shelayna wisely decides on an activity that's romantic enough for her, but kid-friendly enough for Bart." Oh boy, that must mean it's time for... caricatures! Nothing says romance like a kooky drawing of yourself with a ginormous head. They splurge on "the works," and I must say it's a pretty accurate depiction of the two, including lots of black eyeliner for the missus. Afterward, she happily says it's the best one they've had done yet. Wait, so this is a regular activity for them? My life is so different from theirs. On the way out, they pause at the counter of some blurred-out store for Shelayna to say yet again how stressed she is and how she won't be happy if things aren't right. We know already.
Shelayna is heading to a photo session an hour late. She gets into her dress, and first there are problems with lacing up the corset in back, which she and her mom deal with by sniping at each other, and then once she has it on, there are some weird bumps right in front under her chest. I've got to say, that would drive me nuts too. It looks like they somehow didn't pull part of the fabric quite tight enough when they made alterations. The pictures are taken, though, and Shelayna really does look great, despite the too-heavy eyeliner. Her hair is up and she's wearing a tiara, and she looks lovely. Mindy tries to pretend she's unhappy, but the only thing she does is decide not to take one picture because she doesn't know how her arms will look. Been there, done that. They give her a glass of champagne for pictures and she downs it to relax, which seems to work. She's so happy with this photo shoot that now she wants to hire this photographer for the wedding instead of the guy they have now.