Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Lifestyles of the Brit And Anus

After. BritBrit gives us a nausea-inducing tour of her bus. Wow. Seriously. NYPD Blue has more steady camera-work. The Blair Witch guys are like, "Dude. Get a tripod." What always interests me about shows like this is if this shit is what made it onto the air, I'd love to see what got cut out. And the best part is that to prove my point about the shaky-cam, my cat just vomited. Ha. I told her not to watch.

Manchester. BritBrit films the paparazzi shooting her down below from her hotel balcony. The poor captioning person wrote, "Paup Rattsey" instead of paparazzi. Aw. That's cute. Nice try, though. For someone who is all, "Leave me alone let me have a life!" BritBrit sure does like to hang out on hotel balconies a lot. While getting make-up and hair done, BritBrit spits out, "People can take away everything from you but they can never take away your truth. But the question is, can you handle my truth? Can you?" More children playing with a videocamera stuff. I refuse to recap utter nonsense.

Felicia camera-talks, "The concept for today is 'What's your favorite sexual position?'" BritBrit walks around asking people backstage (?). She asks some woman, who says, "Pretty much whichever way I get it, I like it." Another says something else. People laugh. An Asian woman is embarrassed. A guy is gross. A woman says that she hasn't had sex in a long time. Now people are dancing around. Now Felicia. BritBrit sings, "Felicia Ann Collatta. She wants to fuck a lotta." Heh. Eh. Zzzzzzzz. She asks Felicia what her favorite sexual position is and Felicia says that she doesn't know, she's never done it before. Britney thinks it's lame that Fee won't spill the beans. (I don't think, as some have suggested, that Felicia actually is a virgin…though it wouldn't be totally surprising if no one has ever wanted to have sex with her, all things considered…). She asks her bodyguard Mo, who says, "The bedroom," which doesn't actually make sense. What also doesn't make sense is why we're suddenly looking at JC Chasez, but there he is in all his has-been tooly glory. She asks him the question and he starts humping the air. Yo, you need a girlfriend, dog. Boobney explains that JC was opening up for her in Europe and that's why he was there. BritBrit follows JC and makes him answer. He says that he's a bad boy and likes "a lot of them." She camera-talks that she was surprised he was so shy about it. We're so surprised he's still on tour with anyone. Now Mo turns the camera on BritBrit, who answers, but they clearly cut it out. She tells her mom to ignore this whole part, joking. "And Dad, too. And Jamie-Lynn, too." Ah, yes. Poor Jamie-Lynn. That girl can only come to a bad end after this role model.

More from the make-up chair. BritBrit says she looks like a "Conehead." What? She tells us they took extensions out of her hair and she now has none. Lots of laughter. Everybody is having such a good time. She starts making faces and everyone laughs because they have to.

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Britney and Kevin: Chaotic




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