Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Lifestyles of the Brit And Anus

Night vision. Hotel room. In the green light, K-Fed looks ex-fucking-actly like a reptile. He's fucking creepy. BritBrit announces that they're a little tipsy right now. She asks K-Fed what he thinks of Eminem. He thinks he's a "genius." BritBrit then starts babbling about how cool it is that he complains about what women have done to him, including his mother. Her sarcasm finally weaves its way through K-Fed's THC-addled mind and he starts laughing. Now BritBrit talks and then takes a huge puff of a cigarette, such a great role model, and tells us she wants to marry Brad Pitt. She asks K-Fed who he'd marry and he says, "None of y'all!" The camera fades out as we get a little sad sound. But we all know she did marry him, so we don't have to be sad; we can believe in love again! Yay!

London again. Hotel room. BritBrit films her room during a "rainy, dreary" day. The biggest surprise -- shocker, really -- is that she announces that K-Fed is taking a shower. What? Bullshit. I don't believe it. She must mean he's on the toilet, but she's too much of a lady to say that. She films on, showing the living room full of pictures. She shows a pencil drawing and gives her hilarious interpretation, calling one of the figures a "fairy." She and Tori Amos would have a lot to talk about. Then she shows K-Fed, who is getting dressed. She says that they shouldn't go. They should just "fuck all day." Vomit twice! That's when he gives his douchey little look to the camera. "I mean, you know I'm down for that idea, actually," he says. But she isn't, so she calls over "Tony," her security guard, who teases her for wearing sunglasses inside. Tony then says, "C'mon, little fella," about K-Fed, "you can come out now." I love people making fun of K-Fed. There's something so…right about it. Especially giant black men. It's deliciously belittling, particularly for someone who wants/tries/needs so bad to be accepted by black people.

Then we have a dizzying series of shots as they go downstairs and get into the car and drive. Fascinating.

Concert hall. BritBrit is at sound check. The "band" plays and BritBrit "sings." "Whoo! Yeah!" she says. No one else does.

Now BritBrit runs fast on a treadmill. Stupid Fee has the camera tilted to the side for this whole shot. Fee asks why she couldn't come in earlier and BritBrit tells her she was having sex. Fee asks how they did that so quick. BritBrit says that she's "quick." She says that she's "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am." She goes on to say that's been three times today. Puke! BritBrit says that's why she has this glow. Fee finally realizes she has the camera tilted to the side. Brill! Cor.

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Britney and Kevin: Chaotic




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