I just returned from a college graduation ceremony. It was long and mostly very boring, but inspiring at the same time. The college caters to a lot of adults bravely undertaking mid-life career changes, which is certainly a scary thing. Indeed, many of the speakers today were leaving more lucrative enterprises to go into helping the needy of different stripes. Also, the college has a generous financial aid program for really low-income folks, and we saw lots of students who were formerly indigent make that walk across the stage, beaming and so happy. And on the ride home I got a call from a friend whose mother just suddenly became gravely ill, and he rushed to be by her side, and is facing a long road with this, certainly -- so much so that his plans to start grad school in England in September might be put off indefinitely because of his mother's illness. And another friend of mine, his mother is battling cancer for the second time in seven years and it seems like right now lots of people are going through very big things -- which is to say, of course, that a lot of people that I happen to know happen to be going through big things right now, as indeed, people I don't know are always going through big things. And it is something of a shock to talk to people faced with tragedies and illness and even scary, scary life-changing decisions (like going back to school in order to help others), and then to go home to recap Britney Spears. And I can't help but wonder: what has to happen to this girl to make her wake up from her selfish little shell of privilege and petty, petty pain? Because while I'm sure getting dumped by Justin was no fun, one day something horrible is going to happen. Her mom is going to get ill, or Fee will get hit by a bus, or K-Fed's flappy manpris will get caught in the escalator and his legs will be cut off, and her infinitesimal, infantile little life will suddenly be thrown a giant sweeping curveball and then where will she be? Perhaps she'll come out of it having truly deepened as a person. Maybe the inane trivialities we have to witness her "struggling" with on this show will seem like a joke to her. And she'll be an older, wiser, but ultimately better person. But then again, she'll probably hire someone to deal with whatever it is, and roll on -- K-Fed's hand in her back pocket, literally and figuratively, and that new extra layer of Cheetos, Venti Mocha Chip Frappuccinos, and random handlers will successfully insulate her from anything that might make her actually, you know, feel.
The previously is nine hours long, recapping the whole "season." You don't need to know any of it. Trust me. Seriously. No, fuck you, seriously! Leave it alone. You never listen! Sorry, I still love you. It just hurts me to see you get hurt by her. She'll only let you down. Just like all the others.